Hippie Mom in a Preppy World

Archive for the ‘Baby Fox’ Category

It is a topic that gets heated on parenting message boards: Child Leashes, Tethers, and Restraints. But it isn’t just non-parents that don’t like these devices. In Attachment Parenting circles I’ve heard a child tether compared to a circumstraint and described as distinctly NON-AP. I disagree. First and foremost, AP is about being in tune with the needs of your individual child and trusting your instincts.

I remember the first time I saw one when I was about 12 years old. I was horrified! Leashes are for dogs how dare a parent treat a child like a pet! Yet thinking back, I remember my mom using one of me on occassion. I also remember times when she didn’t use one and I got lost at the supermarket or a crowded mall. I was traumatized by being lost and not by the leash, go figure.

When Shammy started walking he wasn’t very good at holding onto an adult’s hand for more than a few steps. Now that he’s running I was terrified of all of the things that could happen in the span of a few seconds in a public place. Because of this we didn’t let him walk outside the house with few exception. He was in the Ergo, the stroller or a shopping cart.
So, here’s my shocking confession: I’m a child tetherer.

Yep, I walk my toddler on a leash!

I never imagined myself to be a mother that would use a leach. But I much rather have the peace of mind that he won’t suddenly let go off my hand and run off in a crowd.

It was awesome and I wish I’d had the guts to buy one earlier! Shame on me for caring so much what other people think! If I made all my parenting decisions based on public opinion I wouldn’t be a very good mother. I certainly wouldn’t be breastfeeding my toddler in public if I cared more about what Jon Doe thought than about the needs of my child. The whole breastfeeding in public bashing, in my opinion, is a complete projection of an adult hang up. To a child there is no connotation there is only nutrition and nurturance and mama.

I think the same thing is at play with the leash. We see a kid on a leash and connotations about subjugation and degradation spring to our adult minds. A child doesn’t think this though. He’s never heard about “being on a short leash.” He just sees sunshine and grass and flowers and mama.

Pregnant and with a toddler I figure I have a few options:

1. Babywear all the time. He’s young enough that he can still ride in the ergo

Pros: The ultimate in AP – babywearing. Complete control of where the kid goes.
Cons: He won’t be this small forever and now that I’m pregnant my bump is starting to get in the way of a front carry, a back carry hurts me after a few minutes and I don’t like a hip carry. And, most importantly, Shammy doesn’t want to be in the carrier – he wants to explore and get his hands dirty! I want this too so this option is out.

2. Use a stroller. What we’ve been doing so far.

Pros: complete control of the kid.
Cons: Strollers don’t ride very well in unpaved areas. Shammy still can’t explore. Option out.

3. Let the toddler be free range. Let him run free!

Pros: Complete freedom to explore.
Cons: More open to danger, especially with me being slowed down by pregnancy it can be hard to get to him in time before a slip or fall or before he touches poison ivy for example. Plus, in busy places the fear of predators snatching my kid or him simply getting lost in a crowd. I’m not comfortable with this in some settings (while others, like my own back yard, a walk through our neighborhood, and some play grounds I would feel safe to let him run free).

4. Leash. Put on his monkey backpack with a “tail” that mommy or daddy holds onto.

Pros: Moderate control – He is in charge of where he goes and what he touches within reason. He can’t run into traffic or be snatched up by someone else if he gets too far from us. I don’t have to worry about him falling into a place that could harm him..
Cons: I can’t think of any in the confines of my relation with Shammy. Disapproving looks from others would only be an issue if I were to put them before my son’s safety, not happening.

So, for me, leash is the best option. I agree that it has the possibility for abuse. As with anything you can parent well with it or you can parent poorly. If you are going to jerk your kid around and scream every time they veer towards something you don’t want then the tether becomes a tool for dominance and control over your child. However, if you use the tether in order to provide a safe boundary for your child to explore independence then I feel it falls perfectly in line with my parenting philosophy and goals.

I was surprised at how much he loves it, the only time that he complained was when we would pick him up to cross the street or put him in the car.

Things have been quieter than usual on this blog lately. It’s very hard to be inspired and write when dealing with morning sickness. Yes, that’s right I’m knocked up again and Baby Fox #2 is expected sometime around mid July.

So I’m going to avoid confusion by posting answers to frequently asked questions. Future blog posts will be a combination of bump updates and Shammy.

- are you still breastfeeding?
yes I am still breastfeeding

- are you going to wean now that you’re pregnant?
that is up to Shammy, besides, even if I wanted to, he takes no for an answer and he’s a very persuasive fellow

- are you planning a VBAC?
No. This was a very hard decision to make but after researching our options, there was no local viable option (no local OB’s do them, all local hospitals ban them, we don’t want to hire the local midwives that do them and I don’t feel comfortable going unassisted. There is a doctor just over an hour away that does them but even if he took me I didn’t feel like spending an hour plus on I-95 while in labor.

Additionally, I believe that scar tissue in my cervix interfered with my first labor and as already confirmed with this pregnancy, my cervix still has it so that would drop my chances of success and I don’t want to set myself up for failure.

-How are you feeling?
This is probably the only time that I’ll answer this question without being snappy. I feel like crap and it’s been pretty much constant for 2 months. I had morning sickness from hell happening almost 24 hours a day every day. I lost 9 pounds as a result and had to go on medication. I never experienced it so bad with Shammy, I would wake up from a deep sleep ready to hurl, that’s how I didn’t get a break.

Now that the morning sickness is getting better, I get to enjoy swollen nasal passages, environmental allergies (which I only get when pregnant), lower back pain and recurring headaches. I have barely taken prenatal vitamins this time around because I’ve been so sick, now when I feel better and I try to take them my stomach stamps them “return to sender” before my body can absorb any nutrients so I think that baby is taking calcium from my teeth since I’m not getting enough of it as I’m now having dental problems as well. So yes, this pregnancy has been kicking my @$$, I’m pretty close to useless and struggle just to keep up with the hyper toddler, my house is such a disaster zone that it’s overwhelming to think about it.

My morning sickness is no longer constant but I still get it daily from several triggers, I still can’t stand the sight or smell of cooking food. Sadly this means that Shammy’s diet while at home has suffered because I’m not able to work so much on his meals. Not that he seems to mind as he’s taken to rejecting most of the things I make him and instead prefers to snack all day.

- Who’s your prenatal care provider?
Sadly I’m stuck with a group OB practice as my local options were limited. They are…. ok. I didn’t appreciate being told that I lost weight for still breastfeeding (completely ignoring the fact that I could barely eat for weeks) and being told that if I have a boy, I HAVE TO pay $463 for the circumcision and then looking at me confused when I tell them that I don’t have to pay anything and I won’t. After my first appointment I was sent home with a “goody bag” sponsored by Similac full of crap from the formula companies doing their thing to undermine breastfeeding from the first trimester ::sigh::

- What would you do differently?
I don’t have any regrets from last time, it would have been nice if I have kept up with prenatal yoga but I’m not even trying it this time around. Something that I do want is to get a photo of me and hubby with baby at hospital, Shammy was over 2 weeks old before we had the first photo of the 3 of us taken.

- What are you craving?
In very early pregnancy I was craving ground beef, anything with ground beef. Later on I just crave salty things, sweet things make me nauseous. Like with Shammy I’m once again craving soda. My biggest craving is for a Mexican dish from a specific restaurant in Puerto Rico

Mini Rant
It’s amusing and annoying how some people get defensive at stuff that was in no way aimed at them and accuse me of not giving first time parents a “break”, it seems people forget that I was once a first timer and technically I still am. Whether this is your 1st kid or your 10th, all I say is “inform yourself!”

Proud big brother to be