Team Fox

Let me say, I’m absolutely thrilled about this baby.  But when it comes to babies in general, I’m just NOT a “baby person.”

People see my bump and seem to automatically want me to hold their baby.  Listen, they’re all adorable babies, but I don’t know what to do with it!  I feel so put on the spot, like just because I am pregnant I am supposed to form a magical bond with this little guy and I’m just not built that way.  I think my biggest trigger for anxiety is having the poor baby start crying simply because I’m not it’s mommy, embarrassing.

I used to have that gift as a teen, kids just LOVED me, they would love to be with me, I would tolerate being with them, then I forgot all of the skills that I gained from baby sitting, lol. I thought maybe now that I AM pregnant I would get more pleasure out of holding random babies, but I was wrong.

I noticed that I’m not even good at the “baby talk and funny faces” interactions that people do with babies, maybe because I see babies as having a more developed (and currently learning) brain than that and I don’t want to insult their intelligence. Now give me a kitten and I’ll be the queen of baby talk and funny faces, lol.

Please tell me I’m not alone.  Am I the only one that doesn’t really like playing with random babies?? I do expect to get unlimited pleasure out of holding our baby, I look forward to wearing him/her often.

Speaking of baby wearing… I have figured out how to make own carrier and save $40, it’s simply a matter of going to Joann’s fabric and getting 5 yards of the fabric of choice. Years ago I gave up on trying to hem anything, sowing machines recoil in fear at my mere presence, and automatically jam at my touch; besides, overlock looks pretty cool in this case. Who owns a serger and knows how to use it?

The process looks so easy for someone that can cut and hem or serge fabric, if I can figure that last part of the process out I may then have to worry about going crazy and having too many different types of fabric, then you can BET that the baby will have at least one tie dye and at least 1 dragonfly wrap, lol.

On other news, it’s cool that Baby Fox is being more responsive to the outside world, I have discovered that he/she has a very strong opinion (don’t know if it’s positive or negative) about action scenes in movies, there was a LOT of kicking and movement while watching Iron Man 2 at the theater last weekend.

My tolerance to heat seems to be dropping at the same pace that the temperatures are increasing, freaking great. I don’t want to run the A/C all day, I used to only run it to sleep but lately I find myself having to turn it on for a few minutes here and there. I can’t drive during the day without using the A/C. Trying to just grin and bear the heat yields a tired, uncomfortable and cranky Bandora, not a good combo. I also end up losing my appetite, not a good thing when lately I seem to be having trouble eating enough. I will just have to brace myself for a higher than average electric bill over the next few months.

Daddy Fox got to put his ear against the bump and hear baby’s heartbeat! Combine that with the belly kisses he gives and my heart just melts every time. Can I get an “aaaawwww”?

While at a local consignment store the clerk was enthusiastically talking to me about her cloth diapering experience when I noticed her have a slip of the tongue and described formula-fed, disposable-diaper clad babies as “regular”. She caught herself and self corrected but it immediately pointed out to me how it seems that society at large seems to consider formula and disposables as normal while cloth diapers and breastfeeding are considered “fringe” and a rarity.

We’ve gotten a good start to our cloth diaper supply, I currently have 1 dozen newborn size prefold diapers and a couple of covers to go with them. I will probably get another dozen or so to avoid having to do laundry on a daily basis since we still don’t have a washer at our house. I also got 15 used Bumgenius one-size diapers to be used as baby Fox outgrows the newborn size diapers.

I will continue to keep my eyes open for used cloth diapers to expand inventory and have a wider variety and flexibility. Trying to stay away from Etsy where there are way too many cute options for handmade diapers and covers, I did break down and order 1 baby ninja and 1 tie dye cover but will try to aim for more used.

It sucks that I’m just not crafty when it comes to sewing, I have come across several patterns online along with cute prints and fabrics at the store.

What is it with the spike in crib recalls lately? it makes me not want to bother looking at cribs, it seems like it’s only a matter of time before it gets recalled. And then people complain about co-sleeping.

Now that I am 10 weeks away I’m thinking more about life post bump. I do continue to plan on blogging but the blog name will obviously have to change, I am open to suggestions on what to call it!

I do stop and thing about the first few days of official mommy hood and a concern that immediately comes to mind is how to handle the visitor situation. Just because I may feel like a hermit doesn’t mean that I should deprive the world of the awesomeness that is baby Fox but at the same time I don’t expect to be in the mood for visitors for the first 5 days or so but since people will want to visit the baby and not me I’m willing to work out a compromise.  I already talked this out with hubby, no non-family visitors for the first 2 weeks and no unannounced visitors on any day.

I’m truly hoping that people will be busy ogling over the baby that I’ll just get a hi, congratulations and bye.  I do not want to deal with the “how are you feeling?”, “how is the baby sleeping?”, “how is breastfeeding”, “was labor hard?” and any other variation of questions, also do not expect to be in the mood to recount the birth story unless it’s on my terms and whenever I feel like it, that’s why I blog.

Perhaps I should have a waiver prepared for people to sign before they can make it through the door.

“By visiting during the early post-partum period I agree to focus most of my attention on baby and daddy and although I will acknowledge mom’s existence I will not burden her with questions and limit my verbal interactions with her to normal, everyday conversation unless she takes the initiative to change the subject.

If I fail to do so I agree to relinquish my visiting rights effective immediately and will have to see baby via Facebook photos until the post-partum period is over.”

I really don’t want it to come to that but I know what I’m like when I’m not hormonal so I can not imagine how the first postpartum days will be like. Visitors beware!

I am also starting to think about is daycare options. I haven’t done any visits to any places yet, just internet research and talking to a couple of people for referrals. So far it’s discouraging having to deal with sticker shock at the huge cost that will take up a big chunk out of my paycheck and trying to find a place that is safe, clean, nurturing and open minded to cloth diapers. The more I look, the more repulsed that I become by actual centers, I may need to be looking into home based daycare soon.

That’s the disadvantage of having family living an ocean away, I can’t just do what my mom did with me and pay have work from home aunt to take care of me when I was little.

No new belly pictures yet, hoping to fix that this weekend.

I do apologize if this blog entry seems more erratic and disjointed than usual, I am tired and my thinking is just as fragmented…

This morning I learned that baby can kick your diaphragm in such a way to make you start coughing, how fun!

So in the span of a couple of weeks I’ve gone from big to tiny or so people say.  The predominant theme this week is how I’m “all belly” and no fat.  I even had a coworker compare me to Heidi Klum as the only other pregnant woman he’s ever seen whose face, arms, and body in general didn’t change.  I think it has changed, my thighs, arms and rear are larger but they are not gigantic.

Speaking of big bellies, I’m really liking how my belt tattoo looks with the big belly, considering that I got the tattoo years ago when I never planned to have children I must say it looks better now and it frames the bump very nicely.

I can understand the “all belly” comments though as when I look in the mirror my “bump to body size” ratio is more pronounced than in women that tend to have more general padding and whose bump is partially hidden by that padding.

Now that I’m seeing my midwife every 2 weeks instead of once a month I have a regular reminder that we’re entering the final stretch so I need to stop thinking about what I need and start getting it.  I don’t have the luxury of blowing a fortune in one shopping trip so I have to shop smart and in installments.

This week I invested in the beginnings of our cloth diaper supply.  Ordered 15 used Bumgenius All in One diapers from a coworker’s friend.  Ordered the first dozen of newborn size cotton pre-fold diapers and 2 WAHM diaper covers, 1 in newborn size and 1 small.  I’m hopping to get a little bit more every 2 weeks from now on so that we will have a decent startup supply for baby Fox’s July arrival.

Another major investment was in our co-sleeper bassinet, I knew the model we wanted for months, it attaches to the bed mattress allowing for co-sleeping/easy baby access without space restrictions or danger to baby.  It works as a standalone bassinet and folds down compactly into a carrying bag making it excellent for camping.

While checking out one of the consignment stores in the area I came across 3 of them!  The hardest part was choosing from the 3 colors that they had, so now we have baby’s first sleeping space for 55% less than retail.  It’s in like new condition with the mattress still in it’s original plastic packaging, I just need to clean a couple of stains on the frame fabric from people touching it at the store, nothing some oxyclean can’t fix.

I have noticed how my brain has already rewired itself into mommy brain, I no longer feel inclined in shopping for anything for myself but just love any excuse to shop for baby.  A dangerous shopping instinct for the wallet!

Today I was impressed when I got the e-mail newsletter from the people that wrote the “What to Expect when you’re Expecting” book, normally it’s full of the same mainstream information you find most places so I was pleasantly shocked when one of the articles in today’s newsletter was on how to prepare for a homebirth, sweet!

It recently dawned on me that there is a new holiday in my realm of awareness, Mother’s Day.  I recently got my first mother’s day card that didn’t come from a cat or other pet and I admit, I got misty eyed.

In the education front, we have our first childbirth class in just over a week, I finished reading the highly recommended “Birthin from Within”  I liked it but I disagree with it’s stance on breastfeeding.  It tells you to “train” baby to drink from a bottle while breastfeeding “just in case” you want to do something selfish like go out on a date.  Ok, it was exactly worded that way but it did use the date as an example of why you want to give a bottle to your baby, wtf?  I’m not against dating my husband but I don’t want to introduce something I’d otherwise avoid and that can cause nipple confusion just so that we can have an adult dinner.

Yes, baby Fox will have to learn to use a bottle but that is so that I can go back to work, I don’t see a need to start any earlier than that.

I have broken down and subscribed to Mothering magazine, it’s the only pregnancy/parenting magazine that remotely aligns with my granola mama style.  I got a free digital subscription so I was able to immediately read the current issue and was instantly reassured of it being the right choice when the cover’s headline was about cloth diapers and browsing through the pages yielded advertising from companies that I’m actually interested in and whose products I would buy.

Camping in Florida’s May weather while in the third trimester, not for the faint of heart!

It was trying at times but overall it was manageable and some parts were not horrible.  I don’t recommend it to women that don’t enjoy/are used to camping though.  You really have to appreciate camping to want to stick it out.

What sucked about camping:

-  fire ants- I don’t know if being pregnant makes me look sugar coated to ants but those B!+@&#s just loved biting my toes.  Even when I made sure I moved my chair to an area with no visible ant hills within a 6 foot radio they still managed to find me and bite me.  My husband sitting right next to me was ignored by the ants.

- heat- OMG the HEAT!  I already overheat easily thanks to the little furnace that is baby Fox.  The first day was in the upper 80′s with a slight breeze, uncomfortable but manageable.  The second day we had 97 degrees plus heat index and I was MISERABLE!

having to rest after walking "uphill" exhausted and overheated

- dehydration- Even though I always had a refillable mug with water, I was not drinking fast enough to replenish and ended up dehydrated on Saturday, boo.

- walking uphill-  I managed the walking rather well most of the time, our campsite was uphill from most places that we would go to and getting there wasn’t such a problem, it was getting back that became a pain in the rear, or more precisely, hips.  Thankfully this is Florida so it’s not quite a hill but there is definitely an incline to be walked and I never did well in that part.

- people- The usual  “how are you feeling?” and the “poor thing, this heat must be torture“  (thanks for stating the obvious).
By Saturday night the heat exhaustion, dehydration, swelling and general discomfort had taken such a toll on me that I felt like I snapped emotionally so I decided on  self imposed isolation to protect people from snappy comebacks that are undeserved when they were just trying to be nice.

- belly rubbers- despite my t-shirt people risked getting their ass kicked and rubbed anyway, some were sneaky about it, as if I wouldn’t notice!  The sad realization that I’ve arrived to is that belly rubbers= baby cheek squeezers so poor baby Fox is in trouble when he meets our friends.

- cankles- yep! despite minor swelling I hadn’t really experienced this… until this trip!  I actually had rolls on my ankles when bending my foot! My feet were so swollen they wouldn’t fit on any shoes.  This has gone down quite a bit but I still have some rather pronounced swelling.

it's early in the day and I already lost most definition between my calves and ankles, this is nothing compared to how bad it was by the end of the weekend

- belly insect bites-  besides the ants I wasn’t really bothered by any insects but some flying sucker thought he was getting a 2 for 1 deal by biting my belly.  It’s definitely a different type of itching than the stretching skin itch that I have gotten used to.

What helped make the camping experience bearable:

- trolley- thankfully the festival has a golf cart trolley that saved me from having to walk uphill as many times as I otherwise would have.

- misting tent- my favorite place in the whole campsite, really should have set one up at our encampment.  Whereas in the past, spending 30 seconds inside the misting tent would have given me chills in 90+ degree weather, this time around spending minutes inside just made me feel like I was melting at a slower rate.  I still credit it with preventing me from fainting more than once.

In the misting tent- first time I let the belly "hang out" in public

- the breeze- it wasn’t constant but so very much appreciated when it graced me with its touch.

- clouds- not always there but always welcomed the break form the beating sun.

- boppy pillow-  Sleeping on the floor was  still uncomfortable but not impossible thanks to this pillow.

- the lake- discovered too late that just dipping my feet in the lake made a world of difference with the heat.  Didn’t bring bathing suit so I couldn’t jump in.

Things I would do differently now that I know better:
- bring bathing suit- the lake would have then become my favorite place in the campground

- bring camping chair with footrest- no idea why I didn’t bring it this time, it would have greatly helped my swollen feet and made it harder for the ants from Hades to find my toes.

- bring a walking stick- would have made the walk uphill easier and less of a waddle

- bring frozen juiceboxes, popsicles or similar frozen somethings- it would have helped me cool down faster and fight dehydration better than warm water alone

- bring extra clothes-  belly snapped the elastic on my skirt the first day and I had to get creative to keep it from falling off completely until I got back to camp.  That threw off my whole wardrobe plan as I didn’t bring a lot of extra changes in clothes besides what I thought I needed.

Funny stuff
- the drum circle was lame at times but when the beat got good baby would dance to the drums, it was cute.

-”your face hasn’t changed!?“- this one came as a shock, I didn’t know that my face was supposed to change while pregnant.

-”Oh my god you’re fat!“-  I heard this more than once from people that hadn’t seen me in 6 months and didn’t know I was pregnant.  It really didn’t bother me, I actually found it amusing.

week 28 belly and yes I'm wearing my fox tail

In summary, would I camp again while pregnant?  Depends on the weather, definitely not again in this pregnancy as it just gets progressively hotter.  I would imagine that camping in January would be a lot more enjoyable.

I’m not sick!

That’s my new standard response to the very popular and oh so annoying “how are you feeling?” question.

Am I always comfortable and fine? no, do I feel sick because of it? no, do I want to talk about my discomforts with you? again, no.  Do I want to rant about the same discomforts in my blog? that’s what blogs are for!

This week I’d like to NOT welcome hip pain to the host of other interruptions to my attempts at sleeping at night. I hope you don’t make yourself too comfortable hip pain, you’ll be fighting with pelvic pain, trips to the bathroom, back ache, leg cramps and baby’s kicks for my attention while I attempt to sleep.

Sleep has surely become more challenging lately, even with snack and bathroom interruptions I used to be able to sleep through most of the night, not so much anymore.  I wish we had a bigger bed too, I’m limited in the range of movement and positions that I can try.

Gone are the days where I could sleep in late on my days off, it’s not the aches that get me out of bed, it’s horrible hunger and the fact that baby, like his daddy, is an early riser and will be kicking up a storm until I go vertical, my belly doesn’t have a snooze button.

I’m fortunate that the bulk of the discomforts occur at night and I tend to feel pretty good during the day.  Yes, I now run out of breath walking from my desk to the copier at work but I was warned about the reduced lung capacity so I’m not concerned by it.

Plus I I now feel like I’ve officially entered that stage where I’m overheated most of the time, just in time for the arrival of Florida’s spring!  This is a piece of cake now, I’ll let you know how it goes in July when we’re in the summer time and the little furnace is bigger…

Baby is now head down so that explains why I haven’t had any tap dancing in my cervix for a while, thank goodness.  But with it now comes the fact that sometimes baby will press on my sciatic nerve, fun!  Thankfully it has only happened once and for only a few hours but what a pain in the rear… literally.

I received a link to a website that offers a lot of free stuff pregnancy and baby stuff in exchange for spam. Not a big deal as I have an e-mail address designated for spam only that I could use in the name of free stuff. What shocked me is how there wasn’t a single free offer on that website that appealed to me.

I could get a substantial discount on a 3d ultrasound, free formula, free disposable diapers and all sorts of other items that are not in my shopping list, yes I need a diaper bag but I don’t want a big Enfamil logo on it. I’m sure that this website would be considered a jackpot to a mainstream mom but it makes me wonder if someone out there has thought to do something similar for crunchy mamas. How about slings, cloth diapers and nursing pads?

And speaking of diaper bags, why are they so freaking expensive?  Aren’t they glorified purses?  I need to go to the store and carefully look at one inside and out to see what makes them so freaking special.  I read about how some of them have special compartments and such but even those that don’t have the special features cost close to $100.

Daddy Fox and I agreed to be practical and aim for a neutral black backpack style diaper bag, I’m just as happy with a rainbow tie dye beach tote but it’s only fair for daddy to be able to feel manly carrying the bag.  I just wish that I could find a decent one that doesn’t give me sticker shock.  The diaper dude bags are just as expensive and uninteresting as all the other ones.  I did find one that I liked and is half the cost of most other diaper bags and it doesn’t have a formula company’s logo on it.  So that will have to do.

Found out that my midwife can prepare my placenta for encapsulation, all I need to do is fill the gelcaps myself, deal!

A friend of mine had her baby yesterday and less than an hour after the birth she was posting announcements and pictures online.  I’m sure that the fact that she had an all natural birth helped with her not needing as much recovery time.  I can totally see myself twittering/Facebooking from my cell phone after the initial bonding session, not saying that I will… but who knows…

all together now... aaaawwwww

And since cloth diapers seems to be the most interesting topic in all of the Bump Chronicles…  Not that I have to justify my decisions to anyone but to set the record straight… The following are myths:

• I love doing laundry, and thus have chosen cloth diapers because I just can’t get enough of washing and folding stuff all day every day.
• I like poop.

The first one I endure,  and although my husband will argue that I have a butt obsession,  the second one I am willing to endure but it doesn’t come close to liking.

The above are not why we’re cloth diapering, hope you can all go back to restful sleep now.

I want to honor 2 friends that had their babies this week, one in the hospital, the other one at home.  Both 10 pounds and change giant babies, kudos!  Speaking of giant babies, at our midwife appointment this week she commented at least 3 times on our “big baby”, she didn’t mean it as a bad thing at all but the fact that she said it more than once did make me wonder… will I have to push a 10 pound giant out?

Too soon to tell.

I was having a conversation about homebirth with a person I met in an online mothering forum and she asked me if my appeal was the romantic fact that I could have candles, soft music and wear a pretty flowing robe while having our baby.  That is emphatically NOT the reason why.

Yes, it would be cool to have such a cool image of home birth but I want to be realistic.  Yes there may be music, it could be drumming, it could be Enya, I may want silence… I have no freaking clue what I will want as labor can’t be strictly planned, I can only imagine what I would like.

Yes there may be candles (although christmas lights seem kinda cool too) but I don’t see myself wearing a flowing robe and looking all relaxed.  Maybe during early labor.

If I wear anything it’ll be an old oversized tshirt and I expect that once things get active it’ll be time to get to work and I’ll look the part, why else would it be called labor?

I don’t doubt that some people out there have been able to have this idyllic version of homebirth and it would be awesome if I did too but I’m not putting all of my eggs on that basket.  I think it will help that I’m not walking into the homebirth with romantic illusions of it being easy and “pretty”, I’d rather not set myself up for disappointment.

On other news, I didn’t realize that I was still subscribed to the newsletter for the obstetric practice that I saw for all of 1 appointment last year.  They were asking for contact from parents that they delivered babies for.  Are Obstetricians now UPS/Fedex?  I know that the word deliver is very common in the field but as someone that believes strongly in the power of words I find it disempowering for most women who are seen as being delivered of their babies rather than them birthing their babies, I guess that’s why I like it when midwives talk about being baby catchers.  I’ll step off this soap box before I write a book on the subject.

Sorry, no belly picture this week.  No heartbeat recording either, we did listen to the heartbeat on Tuesday but technical difficulties with hubby’s cellphones didn’t allow us to capture much.

I expect to be able to post new bump pictures in the next update after we return from camping this weekend where I hope to have some photos taken by the lake.

So after a first trimester that seemed to have lasted a year (probably due to near constant morning sickness and anxiety), the second trimester zoomed by me so fast that the third trimester snuck up on me without warning! It still feels like 2 weeks ago that I entered the 2nd trimester.

I guess I should have seen it coming, I had noticed that the “walk in the park” comfortable second trimester hadn’t been so comfortable lately with increased back aches, swelling feet and other minor inconveniences. Despite having woken up in the middle of the night crying in pain from the horrible leg cramp from hades in which my muscle cramped in 3 different places simultaneously radiating pain into one uber painful spot and leaving me sore for hours… I’m not tired of being pregnant. I actually feel that this experience is flashing before my eyes in a blur and I’m not being able to experience it fully.

I’m sure that I’ll write the opposite in another Bump Chronicle a few months from now but I think that’s part of the natural progression of things.

Now everybody says “the baby will be here soon!”, “you’re in the home stretch!” and all other sorts of upbeat encouraging comments except my brain is not accepting them as encouraging because all that my brain sees is the fact that the clock is ticking and we’re not ready!

Granted, ready is a big word with many facets of definition. In my brain’s current definition of the word it isn’t so bad. By not ready it means that we don’t have a lot of the essential baby supplies, we don’t have a nursery setup, the house is still a mess with moving boxes and stuff that hasn’t yet been arranged in its final place and other petty stuff like that… All which can be fixed with plenty of time to spare if I get enough energy to get of my @$$. Even if it doesn’t get done it’s not the end of the world. So what if the nursery isn’t setup? Baby won’t be sleeping there for a while, so what if we don’t have most supplies we need? Thanks to grandma Fox baby won’t be naked or cold, diapers can be procured on short notice and most other items are luxuries meant for comfort and cuteness and not true basic necessities.

Am I ready psychologically? Who the heck knows? My answer to that is that I am as ready as I can be and I feel that it is ready enough. Is daddy Fox ready? you’ll have to ask him, excitement and anticipation are not in any short supply in that front.

A male friend online was having a debate on his wall about how cloth diapers aren’t good for the environment because of the energy needed to be used to launder them. Since several people were already involved in the debate I just scanned from the sidelines and moved on with my day without dipping my spoon in that pot but I do feel the need to point out in my own personal forum that yes, I know that extra laundry uses extra energy and water, I have already budgeted the cost of purchasing carbon offsets for the extra energy use, I still feel that a reusable diaper is a better choice than a disposable that after one use will clog up a landfill for generations to come.

And no, I don’t need anybody else to agree with or support my decision as long as my husband and baby are onboard. I don’t believe in “one size fits all” solutions for anything in life and after all I’m sure that the employees at Pampers, Huggies, etc appreciate those people keeping their kids fed.

It’s unrealistic of me to hope that 100% of people will want to switch to cloth and many of them have very good reasons for it besides laziness or ignorance. I like the fact that companies like Seventh Generation, Tushies and gDiapers are trying to bring more earth friendly disposable options but they aren’t fully there yet. What I do hope is that enough people do consider their options to send a message to the disposable companies that they have a monetary incentive to research and develop disposable products that are better for the landfill and for babies’ health.

I want to point out that I fully endorse my friend’s (and everybody else’s) right to express their opinion regardless of my agreement with it. What I don’t endorse is making statements along the lines of “people that don’t agree with me are wrong/need to change their ways”. I have blogged many a times about friends that are taking approaches to life that are radically different than mine and shared my opposing opinion but I have never implied or stated that I think they should change their mind or do otherwise. I guess it all boils down to live and let live.

So now on to the next controversial topic…. placenta encapsulation. I have been looking into this for some time and the more I do, the more I want it. Please keep the “that’s cannibalistic” or “that’s gross” comments to yourself. Like everything else in life, it’s not for everyone. Either research it and be informed or keep your disgust to yourself. Information can be found at http://placentabenefits.info.

Most people don’t give the placenta a second thought after birth, they just know it disappears never to be seen again, usually in the garbage. I knew from day one that I didn’t want that. The placenta holds a lot of spiritual symbolism and significance due to its current physical purpose and I want to honor that.

At first I was considering making placenta prints since they look cool but I found that messy and empty. I first casually read about how the Chinese eat their placenta and was amused but uninterested. It wasn’t until I was directly asked about my placenta plans a few months ago that I started to give it a lot of thought.

The more I talk to other moms that have done it, the more interested I become in doing it. I don’t care so much about having the “great pregnancy hair” longer but the “more energy, increased milk supply and no post-partum depression” are definite selling points when I hear other’s personal stories. So far I haven’t found a local person that offers the service but it looks easy enough as a DIY project with access to a food dehydrator. I’m not sure if I want to get that up close and personal with my placenta preparation but it would certainly be a cheap way to do it, about $6 for the capsules and about $20 to buy an used dehydrator on Craigslist or Goodwill if I can’t find one to borrow.

Next week will be baby’s first camping trip, I have no experience camping while in the third trimester so I expect that this will be a more laid back experience. I’m not particularly concerned except for how my back will handle sleeping on the floor. This time more than ever I am hoping for friendly weather.

So apparently I have too much on my mind for just one weekly post; plus, we finally have an updated bump picture…

I get annoyed when intelligent, forthright, modern women say that their baby’s father would not let them have a homebirth. Oh. What else won’t he let you do? Which other bodily functions of yours does he get to decide on? Just curious. I really wish that they took some personal responsibility for their decisions and stop trying to find a scapegoat because they don’t want to admit that they are scared of the unknown and get comfort in knowing that the obstretrical industrial complex is ready to intervene in their birth… or whatever other reason they may have (which is valid as long as it feels valid to them).

I find it interesting that I have many pregnant friends at the moment. In Facebook alone I can count 6 off the top of my head and they’re all having vastly different approaches to pregnancy and birth starting with the scheduled c-section and ultrasound at every prenatal, moving down to the one hoping for natural birth at a hospital, the one seeing the midwife at the birth center and the one that some would consider more radical than I who is planning an unassisted homebirth and not having any ultrasounds. They’re all still my friends and even if I personally do things a different way I support them and wish them the best in their chosen journey.

I don’t loose sleep if you don’t want a homebirth, I won’t judge you for wanting to be in a hospital. It takes a bit more effort to hold back from judging when someone is for having an “epidural with their name on it” as soon as the first contraction hits without ever attempting to see for how long they can manage naturally. Or scheduling that induction/c-section for a specific day because that’s your BFF’s birthday and how cool it would be for baby to share it or because it’s convenient or because your brother starts school the next week or insert other excuse for not allowing baby to decide when his/her birthday will be but even then I won’t push my opinions down on you (I’ll just generally rant in here, lol) and I would appreciate it if others would show the same respect.

When people say, “You sure are brave for having a homebirth…” I am? I don’t see it that way…bravery in physiological, natural childbirth? Somehow, I don’t link that to bravery, only normalcy. I don’t think bravery has anything to do with it.

On the other hand, I do tend to think that a woman is brave for willingly entering a hospital with a 32% (or higher) cesarean rate, hoping for the luck of the draw on their “chosen” care provider, fending off “routine” procedures and protocol that lack evidence to support their need, having to guard one’s personal regions from an episiotomy, being told how and when to push, and asking permission to see your baby when it’s born. It takes a brave person to willingly endure that (and more) in my opinion. Staying home is easy; I only have to deal with myself and my issues.

I get annoyed as well when it is assumed that I am going for some drug free, natural birthing record (does this exist?); as in, “It’s not a contest to see if you can have a drug free birth.” Uhh, I never said it was, nor did I say that that was my motivation for not wanting drugs. Yep, I must be this way because I want to suffer. Me the biggest wimp when it comes to pain, feel the need to face my biggest fear without pharmaceutical backup just so that people can say “look at her!”. Whatever happened to the more important reasons such as the physical and psychological advantages to both mother and child? Go ahead and judge me for wanting to reduce the risk of complication (and therefore interventions) and get parenthood off to the most optimal bonding start.

But these people are everywhere. Negative, “just get the drugs”, “what are you trying to prove”, “that’s why drugs are invented”, “do everyone a favor and just do it like everyone else”, blah blah blah blah. It’s so freaking annoying.

Until I started to seek out the natural birth/homebirth community and met like minded people that HAVE done it; I could count on one hand (and have fingers left over) the number of encouraging, “you can do it”, “childbirth isn’t so bad”, stories I heard during pregnancy. One.

Lately I have been toying with the concept of Elimination Communication aka “EC”, some of you will say “EC what?”. This is essentially a diaper free baby. You learn to watch for baby’s cues about an impending “release” and you just hold him/her over a bowl or toilet. Most parents report few if no accidents or “misses”.

When I first came across this concept I thought it was too far out, even for my offbeat ways. But a few months later I came across a blog posting from a friend that I respect on how it worked for her. By the time I came across her post I had been desensitized from the initial shock a few months prior and felt that if this neat freak that loses it over bodily secretions easier than I do can do it, then I could have the potential to do it as well (and she’s proud of the neat freak title so don’t think I am insulting her).

My research so far is exciting, many cultures have (and still) use EC and it is a form of ancient childcare. I particularly like the less laundry of cloth diapers and the more air flow to baby’s bum= lower risk of diaper rash. Plus baby is potty trained way faster because they’re already used to letting you know when they have to go.

I’m not saying that I’m definitely going the EC route and if I do it won’t be full time but I find that it would be great for times when I’m hanging out with baby alone and can be paying attention to the signals without distractions. There is a book that I’m looking to get The Diaper Free Baby to see if this will be at least a partial fit for me.

I fully know that if I do decide to go this route I will face another round of skepticism, judgment and criticism from family and friends but as you all know that is nothing new to me and other’s opinions have never changed my previous decisions so why start now?

I will continue to base my decisions on research and experience and not what others think I “should” do. If this topic got your attention at all you may want to check out the 75 Benefits of Elimination Communication

On a more physical angle, insomnia is trying to become a nightly visitor. I’ll either have trouble falling asleep even though I’m too tired to even read or I’ll wake up after a couple of hours and lie awake until close to sunrise when I’m finally able to sleep again but not for long as I then have to get up for work.

I’m also going through hunger cycles, some days I’ll eat normally spaced/ moderate sized meals and other days I’ll be so hungry that I can’t make it through the night without snacking. As I write this I’m on my second bowl of cereal because my brain didn’t seem to register the first one.

My belly button is trying to pop out, I guess there isn’t that much tissue in there for the typical “turkey timer pop out” as it mainly looks stretched out and flat, lol.

I’ve also noticed today that I’ve got a “waddle” walk thing going, weird…. I guess it would make sense since my belly does feel rather heavy and my center of gravity is completely shifted.

And finally after 2 weeks of nothing, the latest belly picture. My new name is Gaia, lol

One thing that they should sell is a belly bib. Because of the bump I can’t sit as close to the table as I used to and it’s tricky to lean that far forward when taking a bite of food. Add to that pregnancy clumsiness and my belly ends up catching bits and drips. In the past the napkin at my waist would intercept that and keep my clothes clean but now the bump sticks out enough to intercept the drip before it makes it to the napkin.

I had gotten an e-mail inquiring about the cost breakdown of the cloth diapers that I was thinking about using, here’s how it breaks down if I buy the brands that I have been looking at:

• Using prefolds only up to 5 months of age- $188

• Using prefolds only up to potty training- $351

• Using All in one’s (AIO’s) only- $864 (assumes Bum Genius 3.0 one size diapers) total varies by brand

• Using combination of prefolds and AIO’s- $675 (this figure is higher than apparent because I wouldn’t start AIO’s until I went back to work so I need enough prefolds for full time use during the first 6 weeks or so.)

These assume doing laundry every 3 days and do not include laundry costs which are estimated at $0.025 (just over 2 pennies!) per diaper and include increased water/ electricity usage and detergent)

All of these figures above are the cost of buying enough diaper supplies to last through potty training!

Compare to the use of cloth diaper service through 18 months of age (not daycare friendly)- $1,594

If we use diaper service for first 6 weeks and then move to AIO’s for daycare= $682

Compare this with the cost of disposables through 18 months of age (assuming we potty train by then) at just over $1,600 (Walmart prices on brands I would not consider buying) and you can see why my wallet doesn’t need any convincing on the massive savings.

But we need a washing machine! I wouldn’t be the first person to drive to have to drive to the laundromat to wash dirty diapers but since we don’t have one around the corner and the closest one is not open 24 hours, it requires logistical scheduling to be accomplished soooo…. anybody upgrading their washer and wants to sell their old one cheap?

As I started to think about the birth atmosphere to create at home  it dawned on me that I already have a lot of birth related symbolism around me including an antique statue of Shela Na Gig (sp?), I’ll definitely have to get through the boxes soon and find these statues so that they can be visible on b-day.

Yes it would be great to give birth in my backyard (I can already hear the screams from the birth fundies out there) but let’s face it, it will be July in Florida, at the very least it will be hot and humid and at the most it could be storming and since we don’t have a covered patio… indoors it is!

I just wish that I had the energy and motivation to do a thorough cleaning of the house but my nesting instincts so far seem limited to unpacking boxes, wanting to throw things away and wanting to clear the baby’s room of non-baby stuff even though he/she won’t be sleeping there anytime soon.  If someone were to ask me what I want for my birthday my answer would be “a maid” even if just for one day.

So apparently I’m big for how long I have left to go. Gee thanks. That’s what I’ve been told by one of the managers at work that believes that I’m having a boy because I’m already so big. How big is too big? I have some days when I feel huge but when I look in the mirror it looks average to me. I’d rather take comments about being too big to unsolicited birth horror stories.

As I continue my cloth diaper research I’m leaning towards using prefolds at least during the newborn stage. It’s cheap, it works well and after enough youtube videos and experiments it’s not as hard as some people make it to be. I will still probably end up having to get AIO’s for when I go back to work because whomever ends up taking care of Baby Fox may not agree with the ease of prefolds and AIO’s work just like disposables minus the trash bag part so there shouldn’t be complaints.

I admit that even though I haven’t left work yet I’m already dreading having to go back. I never envisioned myself as a SAHM (Stay at home mom) but that is something that has been really appealing to me until at least 6 months, wanting to breastfeed exclusively without having to pump into bottles plays a big role in that. I wish that the financial logistics would be more supportive of that option but at the moment that is just a dream.

I admit I just bought my first diaper cover, it was an impulse buy while checking out the local consignment store as I was experimenting with the different cloth diaper options they had available and they had this super hippie super soft tie dye cover for cheap, those of you that know me understand that I can’t resist tie dye and a tie dye baby just breaks the cute scale.

On the breastfeeding front, I’m actually kind of excited to be attending our first La Leche League meeting later this month. It sucks that we will have to miss another parenting event to attend but I want Fox to be part of the process so the “Father’s Welcome” meeting is the one I want to go to.

I have discovered a lot of women that at first found my parenting views to be radical because they didn’t know it was even a choice, but after seeing the facts behind them are becoming interested so I’m thinking about compiling a page on this website with a list of resources that have helped me, nothing fancy just some pointers for seeking souls. Let me know whether or not you think I should bother.

I also came across a cool concept while reading on of the blogs that I’m subscribed to (If Breastfeeding offends you, put a blanket over your head) and these are breastfeeding thank you cards.

I will totally print these out and pass out when seeing a woman breastfeeding in public, sadly that is something that I very rarely see so it may take me a while to get through the first sheet.

Sadly there is no new belly pic yet, hubby and I haven’t gotten around to it since he’s the photographer and I don’t like doing the MySpace style “hold the camera in front of the mirror” shots. But I assure you that this baby is boldly going where no baby has gone before as I’m feeling kicks in higher and higher areas…and not to mention stronger.

When did gender neutral become a bad word?
Seriously. I mean I hear all the time that people want to find out the sex of their baby before birth so that they don’t have to subject the baby to gender neutral clothes in mint greens or yellows. Is that really such a horrible thing? Now mind you, I’m not against finding out the sex of your baby before birth (what I’m against is when it’s done as a completely separate ultrasound with no medical justification such as an anatomy scan), but really, is that why?

And this whole time I thought it was because people couldn’t contain their curiosity, that would have been my reason had I gone and found out, not a vain desire of picking the “right” colors. I admit, I don’t like yellow baby clothes but I tolerate them. I actually find green clothes to be super cute. And I would not be against a baby girl wearing blue and a baby boy wearing purple (I’ve never liked pink).

The latest wave of resistance and judgment on this matter came at of all places Disney World!
I figured that I had plenty of time to kill since hubby was in line for a ride that I’m not allowed on and it would be at least 30 minutes before he came back so I went to browse around the nearest gift shop. I was looking at a wall of specially cute stuffed animals designed for babies when a woman asked me if I was having a boy or girl. I told her we didn’t know, and we were waiting until baby arrived to find out.

Her response (and I’ll never forget it!) was: “Oh, that’s just wrong!” She was completely serious. Until this moment I didn’t know that the maternity police had an active presence at Disney’s Epcot.

A nearby pregnant store employee pushed her way into the conversation and had the nerve to tell me that it was unreasonable to expect to have a gender neutral registry and that I was being difficult for not telling.

Difficult? How dare I make a personal decision without taking into consideration what strangers prefer? We only have a registry as a result of popular demand. If someone has a problem with the fact that it’s not blue or pink they can simply move on and I won’t lose any sleep over it.

Why do strangers I’ll never see again care so much?

I felt like I couldn’t walk anywhere without my husband anymore, not because I can’t handle the nosy opinionated people but because I know they won’t be able to handle me if I let my hormones and temper run the show.

Thankfully I had worn a loose enough shirt that didn’t emphasize the bump as much as my regular clothes so I was able to have relative peace for the rest of the day.

So the biggest adventure this past week was surviving Epcot while pregnant, it wasn’t so bad but it meant taking lots of breaks and remembering to drink lots of water. It helped that the park wasn’t too crowded and the weather was nice. For the first 2 hours at the park baby Fox had taken residence on top of my bladder but thankfully he/she moved before the bulk of the walking was fully underway sparing me getting to know every single bathroom in the park.

By the end of the day I was beyond exhausted and I just wanted to sleep and that’s exactly what I did as soon as I got home after driving home straight from the park.

By now my fingers swell regularly enough that I’m now wearing my engagement ring full time around my neck and the only reason why my wedding band is still on is because it’s a larger size and even then it gets pretty tight some days.

The research on the cloth diapers is still on, just when I thought I had made a decision I find another option that appeals to me. I did discover a diaper service that is available in our county, it’s not as cheap as buying our own but it’s still about $2 cheaper per week than the same amount of disposable diapers at Walmart so this may become an option if we can’t afford to buy them upfront and/or don’t get a washing machine in time. If we go this route the debate as to which type to pick would also be settled.

I have no new belly pictures this week as none have been taken, will have to catch up on that on next week’s update. So instead I’ll leave you with a funny…

The belly (and myself) seem to have gone through a growth spurt recently. It all looks the same from my perspective but my clothes care to disagree. A button down shirt that I wore less than 2 weeks ago threatened to become a dangerous weapon against somebody’s eye today, same with several bras that now feel like medieval torture devices. It looks like I have to hit the outlets again for some maternity clothes… again. I’m doing good in the casual department as I have several bump friendly dresses and skirts but I need to do something about work as I’m running out of professional looking clothes without a peekaboo bump.

Of course I wrote the first sentence before seeing this week’s bump photo, I guess baby Fox is indeed growing faster than it seems from my weird angle…

So I made the mistake of commenting of Facebook about my quest for cloth diapers. An old friend I haven’t seen in years felt compelled to accuse me of being “too hippie” and too environmentalist to be considering using cloth diapers.

This is the same person that put on a giant dolphin head hat next to me to march against the FTAA with Greenpeace and the Green Party in Miami in 2003 ( funny old picture here). I admit that the environment plays a big role in researching this route but the factors of cost savings and safety play a big role as well. I don’t want all sorts of artificial chemicals and poisons being in direct contact with baby’s bum all of the time (tons of info about that on the web but a basic article can be found here). Again, like with everything else, no judgment towards parents that prefer disposables, it’s just not my first, second, or third choice and if I end up having to use them I’ll probably hunt down the most natural/organic product I can find.

I’m hoping that we will be able to avoid disposable diapers all together but that will primarily depend on 2 factors. a) our ability to get a washing machine by then and b) daycare. It’s easy to work around A but since I will be going back to work and most daycare centers are anti-cloth that is a big factor to consider.

Thankfully the “Florida Administrative Code of Child Care Standards” does not forbid the use of cloth diapers, on the contrary, it gives instructions on how to handle them so the key is to find a daycare provider that is open minded enough as they can’t use the “it’s against the state’s rules” excuse in Florida. But before I jump ahead to daycare hunting I still need to pick a cloth diaper.

I’m very interested in pre-folds but also like the convenience of AIO with pocket diapers falling somewhere in the middle. Now it is a matter of weighing pros and cons such as efficiency, leakage, cost, etc. There is a cheap and very good option but the fact that it has a polyester liner bothers me, I prefer an organic cotton or hemp alternative first, but that’s just my hippie self. The Bumgenius 3.0 organic is the only diaper that I have consistently seen good field reviews from and several moms I know strongly recommend and although it’s pricier than pre-folds it would be easier on a baysitter. Right now I’m leaning towards a combination of pre-folds (specially in the newborn stage) and AIOs.

The OCD in me is actually creating a comparison table of the different options with their pros and cons, I hope that sometime in the coming weeks I can just glance at that table and make a decision.

It will ultimately depend on what we can afford to get. Although cloth diapers are cheaper overall, the bulk of the expense is in the upfront cost, but it does make me feel good that 1 large purchase will last all the way through potty training and can be either sold, traded, given away or used for possible future babies.

I just hope that I can decide soon as it will be easier to buy a couple per month for the next several months than having to buy a whole set at once later in the summer.

Meanwhile I’m hoping that I recover from the latest case of the sniffles soon. I don’t know if it’s a cold or just a bad allergy. I go from breathing freely to being so congested my head hurts in less than 30 seconds and alternate throughout the whole day and night. We’re supposed to go to Orlando/Disney this weekend, don’t need to have the reduced oxygen intake further slow me down at a time where my stamina is not at its peak to begin with, plus the Rudolph nose look goes so well with pregnancy glow… not!

All of my closest friends are artists but even though I’m very artistic in my expressions (dress and home decorations), I don’t indulge much in tangible art creation. Yes I do go through moments when I write, I do go through moments when I draw, other times I’ll photograph, I’ll occasionally delve into another creation aspect like when I used a blow torch to make runic keychains out of silver clay. But in general I don’t do anything. That has been trying to change for a while.

It first started with a desire to write letters to baby Fox and now it has evolved to me itching to locate my drawing supplies in the mess of moving boxes that is the garage. I found coloring pencils, I found my oil pastels, now if I could just find my sketching pencil, eraser and sketch pad. I’ll give it until next paycheck and cave in and buy new ones if I haven’t found them by then.

I don’t know how much (if at all) they’ll get used, I also have no idea what will come out of it but now that I’m finally reading the Birthing from Within book, this desire makes sense.

That brings me to something else that I’m still debating on… what to do with the placenta. Most people find this gross and don’t want to even look at it, trusting the hospital to send it off to pathology never to be seen again. In my case I find the placenta to be a very powerful symbol and an important component in this rite of passage. As I have looked at pictures of placentas I see how it’s look closely resembles the tree of life and I don’t find that to be coincidental.

So even though I’m very tempted to encapsulate the placenta into pills, I’m also thinking of making art from it to commemorate such a special day (if you are curious about what I mean, type “placenta prints” on Google image search). I’m nowhere close on a decision on this matter other than I definitely don’t want it just thrown away after it’s examined. It is something that I have been thinking about since I started researching for my birth plan.

Speaking of birth plans, at first I thought that my birth plan would focus primarily on what we would prefer if we have to transfer from home to the hospital in case of emergency. I was fortunate that this was the topic of conversation at the latest Mother’s Monday at Mary’s where Hailey (who we hope will honor us by being our doula) mentioned something that hadn’t occurred to me, that the birth plan should include things I would like said, done or offered (or not). This is where pet peeves come in, and as someone with many pet peeves and low tolerance for them on a good day, I feel it important for my birth support team to be forewarned about some do’s and don’ts at a time when I may not feel like myself. Of course I am currently drawing a blank as to what those pet peeves are but I’m sure that something will come up, in the meantime I try to look at it from a positive angle as things I do want said, done or offered. We’ll see…

I’ve always heard people talk about the pregnancy glow, I don’t really see it, when I look in the mirror I see dark under eye circles from being tired and having my sleep regularly disrupted by trips to the bathroom and having to struggle to change positions. But apparently it looks different from an outside perspective as more than 6 people in so many way felt compelled to go out of their way to comment on how good I look.

the bump at 23 weeks

An interesting aspect that the books and other people don’t mention, is how much personality you can tell from the baby while still in the womb. It brings me immense amounts of laughter and joy to make observations from baby’s behavior to situation and determine what he/she gets from me and what he gets from daddy Fox.

For example, baby Fox likes dark soda, chocolate and chocolate chip cookies, something that I personally don’t like and would seldom if ever ingest pre-pregnancy. But those are all things that Daddy Fox loves and baby does a happy dance in the belly every time I give him/her some.

On the other hand, he/she also does a happy dance when I eat broccoli and falafels, foods that I love but Daddy Fox isn’t into at all.

So it wasn’t so surprising as it was just super cute when I discovered that baby Fox is a tree hugger just like his mommy. Most people think of tree huggers as just a label for hippies, Pagans or environmentalists. Yes, I’m all of the above but I’m also a LITERAL tree hugger. More than once I’ve gotten weird looks at parks, parking lots and sometimes even sidewalks because I couldn’t resist and would just hug a tree I saw. I even go through withdrawal symptoms if too many days go by without me connecting with a tree.

We have a huge backyard but our vegetation is composed of bushes and palm trees. Nothing wrong with hugging palm trees but they are not as affectionate as other types of trees. So when Fox and I were walking by the water on downtown Ft Pierce and I saw this huge friendly tree I just had to go and hug it. This time I decided to bring baby Fox into the hug and gently press my bump against the trunk, I started to laugh as baby Fox immediately proceeded to move and kick against the trunk as if trying to hug it back.

Baby's first tree hug

I noticed that as time passes my interests have been shifting from learning about pregnancy to learning about childbirth and parenting. I admit that the thought of a natural birth is scary at first because I have such a fear of pain but at the same time I know that it’s empowering, right and something that I am capable of.

I have considered hiring an EFT practitioner that specializes in helping women with pregnancy and childbirth. I am certified in EFT, I know how to do it myself, but when it comes to the big and important things I find it useful to have an outsider’s perspective.

This woman was VERY helpful to me in early pregnancy as I dealt with the fear and paranoia resulting from the trauma of my previous miscarriages. As a magickal person and manifester I knew very well how much influence my thoughts and emotions could have, even unconsciously. 1 1/2 sessions with her later I was able to heal the trauma enough that I no longer felt like I was unconsciously sabotaging myself with fear and anxiety.

The surprising thing about when I think about my fears towards this upcoming experience is that I am not afraid of being in pain. That’s a big shock to me. Instead my fear is of a long, exhausting labor. In my dreams things have played out the total opposite, with labor being so fast that in 2 cases the midwife didn’t make it in time and in one case Fox was in the other room and even he didn’t make it on time but I recognize that dreaming it doesn’t mean that’s how things will play out and I want to be as emotionally prepared as possible for whatever scenario unfolds so this is probably going to be the primary aspect that I’ll focus on when I get around to working on EFT.