Team Fox

I haven’t yet come up with a new name for these blog entries since “the post-bump chronicles” just doesn’t sound cool enough.  Right now I’ve been calling them “Adventures in Mommyhood” because that is what my life has been like so far but I don’t know if the name will stick.

The past week has been characterized by a lot of firsts, Shammy had his first trip to the mall where I shopped at Spencers for his outfit for the pirate festival next week and got him an “I enjoy boobies” onesie.  I got to enjoy the assortment of looks as Shammy nursed at a bench in the mall.

By the second visit to the mall I figured out how to nurse without completely taking him out of the Ergo carrier making it more discreet and less of a hassle for me.

After having long nails and no scratch mittens since birth, he managed to scratch his face for the first time this week.  I tried to clip his nails because daddy didn’t want to try it but I only got one done as he fought too much, the best time to get it done was while he was nursing but it meant that I didn’t have enough hands so daddy was brave and did it.    He is already scratching me again…

After being lazy and giving him sponge baths for longer than necessary, Shammy finally got his first bath in the tub.  He screamed bloody murder when first put on it but once I started washing him he loved it, although daddy would argue that I had more fun, lol.

happy and clean

He still doesn’t like it when I wash his face though, he would grab the washcloth from my hand and we would have a mini tug of war so I started to give him the first washcloth and finish with a second one, he was not amused.  By now he has resigned himself to the fact that he can’t avoid it and will not fight it and instead show me his displeasure with a huge frown, too cute.

Baby also had his first trip to the beach outside of the womb, we didn’t actually have a beach day, just checked out the ocean to watch the waves from hurricane Earl, Shammy liked it.

A first for me, was being away from Shammy.  Daddy Fox took me out for an anniversary dinner while grandma babysat, it was only an hour and we were less than a mile away but it was hard.  On Friday we had a second dinner, this time further away and we were gone for 2 1/2 hours and I wasn’t able to refrain from crying at the restaurant.  I see these outings as training myself to go back to work later this month.

As the date to return to work nears (did I mention how much that sucks?), I finally have a breast pump, the challenge is getting Shammy to give me the chance to pump to build a stash.  When I do I have been getting a decent output from short sessions.  3 ounces if pumping in the morning or 1.5 to 2.5 ounces if pumping in the afternoon and I don’t really pump long enough to empty the breasts as it gets uncomfortable after a while so I’m waiting to get used to it before extending the sessions.

I do hate the whole having to disassemble the pump parts and wash them after every session but I expect to get used to it eventually.

This week he had his first experience with daddy giving him a bottle.  Since he’ll suck on anything he didn’t completely reject it but did give daddy a “WTF? where’s the boob?” look the whole time.  He’s still not truly used to it as he refused to go back to sleep until he nursed the old fashioned way but it’s a step in the right direction.  The second time daddy gave him the bottle he was hungry enough to not question the lack of boob.

We have been planning the family halloween costume, we want to have the same theme and have bounced around various ideas ranging from Popeye, Olive and Sweet Pea to Jedi Knights with baby Yoda, due to cost and outdoor weather (ie heat) considerations it looks like for the trip to Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween we will keep it simple with a zombie theme, daddy and I already have zombie t-shirts and we got a cute little glow in the dark skeleton suit for Shammy.

it will be something like this, but with a baby

I do have a big case of the “awww, it’s so cute” when looking at all of the baby costumes available, daddy commented that he can see me buying all the animal costumes available and that each day he would come home and find him dressed in a different one.  I agree that I am very capable of doing that but I’m refraining from spending money on something so superflous.

Shammy has settled into a fairly predictable elimination pattern, upon waking in the morning he will flush his body of all extra fluids triggering multiple diaper changes within an hour’s span (or huge leaks from oversaturation if I don’t pay attention), this would be a good time for me to start practicing elimination communication with him, not really sure why I haven’t yet, perhaps because I’m usually too groggy and wanting to go back to bed.

As far as the cloth diapers go, since he has skinny legs I have found that the Thirsties Duo covers are the way to go thanks to the double gussets in the legs, as much other covers are cute due to the wide assortment of prints available, they just don’t have the “containment power” that the Thirsties have.

He is now big enough for the Bumgenius 3.0 one size to fit him, except that we once again encounter a problem with his skinny thighs, this leaves a huge gap on the elastic around the legs and guess where the pee goes…  I’ll have to wait until he grows some more before using those.

I finally got myself a ring sling and even more impressive, finally figured out how to use it.  We debuted it today at an outdoor event at the causeway (read: very effing hot) and it was way better than the Ergo carrier which would have been a torture device as it gets super hot with the infant insert.

Have boobs will sag? A new study revealed that as many as half of all women age 18-25 don’t plan on breastfeeding because they don’t want their breasts to sag. Numerous studies have already shown it’s actually pregnancy that causes saggy boobs, not nursing. Gotta find a way to let young women know their breasts (and vanity) will still be in tact if they choose to nurse? And that even if breastfeeding did ruin breasts it would still be worth it?

I am amazed at how much I love that little man, even when his face is turning purple and he is screaming at the top of his lungs into my ear.

Some days I wonder why I bother putting on a shirt or bra, this little dude is so boob obsessed during the day that I might as well just hang out topless as he’ll be latched once an hour.  Thankfully my boobs get a break at night when he catches up on sleep and only wakes up twice to eat.

gotta order this for him as soon as I get the cash

Over the last couple of days Shammy is becoming a light sleeper, he’ll sleep fine on my chest but regardless of how long I wait he will wake up and complain as soon as he is laid down to sleep.  Before he would wake up and hang out until he would fall back asleep on his own.  Hoping that this is just another growth spurt or phase.  (after writing this he finally allowed me to lay him down for a nap longer than 5 mins, yay!)

Speaking of growth, it’s amazing (and kind of sad) that he is growing up so fast.  He is already rolling over from his belly (he had been rolling from his back since he was just days old), sticking tongue out when I ask “can I see your tongue?”, opening eyes big I say “eyes”, his first giggle, leaning down on my chest, pulling down on my shirt and latching on to the breast all on his own and many other cute and adorable things.

The other night he somehow managed to take of his diaper while still wearing his jammies, Daddy wakes up to a very wet baby and a diaper that made it’s way into the PJ’s pant leg.  I recalled hearing velcro during the night but thought it was just my imagination.   I still laugh whenever I think about it.

sticking his tongue out

It makes me dread going back to work, as draining as it is to deal with a newborn while home alone all day, I would hate to miss those moments.  This becomes more depressing as time is moving so fast and I find myself looking at the calendar trying to figure out when I’ll be returning to work and the logistics that go along with it.

I need to start figuring out how to fit pumping into my daily routine to start building a stash for back to work, it is tricky with a baby latching on so often.

I keep being presented with examples of how motherhood has changed me.  Recently I watched a chick flick on Netlfix, Valentines Day was sucky in general but I still managed to cry, I didn’t cry at the couple reconciling, I didn’t cry at the best friends finally hooking up, I cried like a baby at the active duty soldier flying 14 hours each way to spend just a couple of hours visiting his son.  Yup, that took me by surprise.

Also a surprise is the fact that I was able to see my parents and not have a nervous breakdown.  As most people know, I have a big personality conflict with my parents which has led me to avoid any real-time interactions for the sake of peace.

They flew to Florida to meet their grandson and son in law and I owed it to Shammy to sallow my pride and hold my issues at bay so that he could meet his grandparents.  So for the first time since I left college my parents have seen where I live.  There is an impromptu family reunion with my siblings and their kids in Orlando tomorrow before my parents fly back but I won’t be able to make it, might as well,  Shammy has demonstrated that he hates long car rides by screaming his lungs off for most of the drive to Miami last week.  It sucks that it’s illegal to take him out of the carrier as it broke my heart that I couldn’t comfort him the way he wanted.

a time when he doesn't hate the car seat

I need to get myself a ring sling, I’m still surprised that I didn’t get one while pregnant, I sure came close plenty of times.  Right now Shammy has to be in the right mood for the baby K’tan, some days he hates it, other days he loves it, can’t never predict which type of day it’ll be.  He loves the Ergo but with the infant insert it becomes too hot for him so I don’t like to have him in it for extended periods of time.  Hoping that the ring sling will make it easier to nurse while on the go as well.  We’ll see…

napping still in the insert after falling asleep in the Ergo carrier

“You’re getting skinny!”, that’s the comment from the nurse at the doctor’s office after seeing me from one week to the next.  I’m not back to my pre-pregnancy weight but I’m definitely heading in the right direction without even trying.  The day after my C-section I looked like I was 5-6 months pregnant, now I don’t look pregnant anymore.  I’m not bikini ready yet but impressed at how quickly I’ve been heading back to my original size.

I do wish that I could eat better.  Being home alone with baby all day means that oftentimes I can’t stop to eat and when I do I just inhale something quick and probably unhealthy because I don’t have the time to prepare something else.  More than once I started to cook something only to not be able to eat it because Shammy woke up early.

At least when daddy Fox is home it’s easier to eat, he’s been known to feed me while I nurse because Shammy just won’t let go, lol.

I do have quite the struggle in the clothing department, right now I fit into a lot of my pre-pregnancy clothes but they’re just not convenient.  Either they have elastic that sits right on the c-section scar or they are not nursing friendly.  I really need to stock up on nursing tank tops and bras but for that I have to first wait to receive my first short term disability check.  Meanwhile I have to do laundry every few days, very annoying…

It’s funny to watch the different dimensions of Shammy, sometimes he looks just like me, other times he looks just like daddy and the rest he looks like a cool combination of the two of us.  I absolutely LOVE to see the beaming look on daddy Fox’s face every time that someone says that Shammy looks like him.

A few days after he was born I created a Shutterfly website for Shaman’s pictures, I haven’t shared it with anyone yet as I’m not very consistent with updates but I figured that I’d share the link and people can choose to join the site if they wish.  http://shammyfox.shutterfly.com/

Our 2 week nesting period is over so friends are now gradually visiting to meet baby so far our maid of honor and best man at our handfasting have come over. it also means that I no longer have an excuse to stay at home.

Surprisingly enough I don’t mind being at home, I thought that I would get more cabin fever but I really haven’t and when I do a quick trip to the store or a short car ride cures it.

Right now when we do go out I try to do it around baby’s nursing schedule, I don’t mind nursing in public but haven’t really mastered the art of walking down a supermarket aisle and nursing at the same time, perhaps with the right carrier…

I need to get myself a ring sling…

I hate the long days home alone.  I seem to have gotten the hang of the regular workdays and can make it through 9 hours alone without wanting to cry but next week daddy Fox will be gone from home for almost 15 hours and I have no clue how I’ll survive that, specially if Shammy decides to be Mr. Cranky Pants as he seems to be in another growth spurt.

So this baby is only 3 weeks old and I’m already being asked about a second baby.  It all started last week when during a diaper change daddy says “so when do you think we should look into having another one?” and yesterday my mother inquired about a second one and placed an order for a girl.

I am very impressed that breastmilk poop does not stink up the room despite not using a diaper pail whenever we use disposables, we’ll revisit the subject in 6 months when baby starts eating solids…

A lot of people think that because of the way the events in my son’s birth turned out that I would have changed my opinions regarding birth options, why would I?

I still believe that homebirth is the safest choice in a low risk pregnancy, I still believe that way too many cesareans are unnecessary.  So what if I didn’t have a homebirth and did end up with a c-section?  it certainly wasn’t out of convenience.  I’m glad that the medical establishment was there for us when we needed it but still wouldn’t recommend it as the first choice for a woman without complications.  And I will say, recovering from a c-section while taking care of a newborn is a bitch, pardon my french.  I am just now able to sneeze without feeling like my insides are going to burst.

Motherhood really changes you, I never thought that I would get poop on myself and not be grossed out by it.

For the past week we have been dealing with a very fussy baby, this is a lot of fun when I’m home alone all day while hubby is at work because I can barely put the baby down to use the restroom and it requires an act of congress to get him down for a nap that he would then wake up from 5 mins later.

The fussiness seems to be gas related but I don’t know if it’s something in my diet that he gets through the breastmilk since it doesn’t happen at every feeding.  He tends to be cranky in the afternoon and evening, once he settles down for the night he sleeps like an angel and I have to wake him up to nurse or else he’ll sleep straight through the night.  By the morning my breasts are so full that I feel like I’m carrying water balloons.

Before we start to get the flood of suggestions for things to try, please know that we have done research and tried all of the usual suggestions from wearing, movement, positioning, white noise, vacuum cleaner, etc.  they usually work for a few minutes if that.  So unless your suggestion is really offbeat and uncommon, we have already tried it.

Usually he finally settles down after a nursing session in which he’ll fall asleep on my chest, the key is knowing when he’s in a deep enough sleep to be transferred to his bassinet, lately I’ve discovered that he’s fine as long as he’s not sleeping on his back.  Doctors don’t advise babies to sleep on their stomachs but I admit to have done it once or twice during the day when he finally falls asleep after crying inconsolably for hours.  I end up checking up on him very often and don’t do it at night.

It is only a matter of time before he makes the choice for himself though.  He can already easily roll over on to his side, another favorite sleeping position of his so I wouldn’t be surprised to one day see him completely turning onto his stomach and then there won’t be much that I could do about it.

he turns onto his side all by himself

I can’t hardly wait for Shaman’s and my appointment with Dr. Punger next week.  We had noticed that he had a slight tongue-tie but didn’t think it was a problem but after almost 2 weeks I think that it is interfering with his breastfeeding latch.  He is fully capable of a perfect latch… when he wants to but when he’s not in the mood he just does what he wants and it takes quite a bit of adjusting and pain in the meantime.  Thank goodness for Lansinoh.

After a struggle to get my disability forms in now it’s a matter on waiting for my employer’s HR department to submit their part in hopes that I can get the first check before our rent is due.

The baby blues have eased quite a bit without me having to take the pills but I admit that I come close to losing it when I’m home alone with a baby that’s been crying non stop for an hour.

you wouldn't imagine that he had just spent 3 hours crying nonstop

The anemia is better in the sense that I no longer get dizzy spells but I still struggle with weakness and exhaustion and the fact that I easily get cold, even when the thermostat is set to 80 degrees.  That is quite a change from when I was pregnant and I felt like I was melting at 70 degrees.

I have lost an additional 8 pounds this week for a total of 29 pounds lost since birth.  I’m sure that a demanding baby that doesn’t let mommy eat more than mini snacks during the day has anything to do with this.

The swelling is not fully gone but it has gone down considerably, my wedding band fits again (barely) and some shoes fit again (tightly), we’re getting there.

Right now I’m not using cloth diapers exclusively due to some slight technical difficulties.  The washer for some reason is not filing up with hot water while washing them and since them his skin seems to be sensitive to them, not rash extreme but enough that I alternate between cloth and sposies to give his skin a break.

I will say that the cloth diapers are way better at containing his blowouts, the only time that he’s had “accidents” has been when wearing disposables.  I still use the sposies at night until he can grow into the pocket diapers that I have since he tends to sleep for so long that I have to wake him up to change him.

I do like the cloth wipes way better than the disposable wipes.  Just a cloth wipe and water does faster cleaning using less wipes, I really should get more of those!

And by the way, the backseat of the car SUCKS as a changing table.

Shaman’s first few days were spent being poked and prodded at all hours of the day.  Since Shammy was born after my water had been broken for a long period of time, the doctors feared that he may have an infection.  The cultures came back negative  and he never had a fever but one of the usual markers for infection was way higher than normal so he ended up receiving antibiotics and spending an extra day at the hospital.

Because he was born by C-section I wasn’t able to take the placenta home to encapsulate.  I actually had a mini argument with the surgeon while I laid out open in the OR but I realized that it was a losing battle as he dismissively said “we’ll have you talk to the pathologist”.  They were not against giving me the placenta once they were done with it, they just insisted on giving it to me in formaldehyde, ugh.

While at the hospital I kept getting comments of “wow, big baby!” and the doctor even said that he didn’t think he could have been born vaginally due to his head being so big, I disagree but there is no point in arguing by now.

Sometimes I look at him while somebody else is holding him and think “that big baby came out of me?!”, lol.  Now that we’re in the outside world people ask if he is a preemie until we tell them how old he really is and then they switch to wow, that’s big, lol.

This is a very strong boy from the start, he was holding his head up just hours after being born and smiling.

He has taken to breastfeeding well although since I nurse on demand we’re still trying to find a schedule and stick to it, right now it looks like it’ll be every 2 1/2 hours or so.  I am glad for this as breastfeeding poop is so much better and doesn’t smell.

There was a particular nurse at the hospital that annoyed me and I nicknamed her the breastfeeding nazi.  First she expected my milk to have come in less than 12 hours after he was born, she was overly critical of the latch position in contradiction to the feedback from other nurses, the lactation consultant and later on Dr. Punger.  But when she really freaking annoyed me was on the last night at the hospital when she tried to lay a booby trap on me.  Boobys trap are misconceptions that are forced upon nursing mothers that make them feel that they are unable to exclusively breastfeed their child, thankfully I had been well educated on this in pregnancy so her tactic didn’t work.

The bf nazi decided to wake me up at 2am on our last night at the hospital and while I was in a sleep induced fog tried to “inform” me that Shaman had lost too much weight and that I will need to supplement with formula starting immediately.  In my fog I was able to muster enough coherence to explain to her that no, it is normal for a newborn to lose weight (and she should know that) and that even though he was in the upper range of weight loss, it is normal for breastfed babies to lose more until mom’s milk comes in and there is no need to rush into formula as long as he’s soiling enough diapers.  She kept arguing with me so I ultimately convinced her to bring me a breast pump and allow me to supplement with pumped breastmilk.  She didn’t like it but realized that she was not going to change my mind without bringing a team of pediatricians in carrying medical literature.

In the end I only pumped about an ounce that was never brought back to us to give to him before discharge.  Just like I knew, she had been making a big deal over nothing as Shammy had regained 8 oz by the time he had his first pediatrician’s appointment approx 30 hours later (and grew half an inch!) and although he hasn’t been weighed since then I can tell that he’s gaining weight by watching his cheeks filling up and noticing that he’s already outgrowing the newborn sized fitted cloth diapers.

I am lucky that I only encountered the one booby trap but feel bad for other mothers that would have easily succumbed to the pressure.  I met one such mom at the breastfeeding class I took at the hospital that was already supplementing with formula on the belief that she wasn’t making enough for her baby.

The hospital experience was so stressful for him that it made him constipated.  This poor kid was really holding it in for several days.  He pooped while in distress and then once more the night he was born and then nothing again until he came home from the hospital.  The doctor was not worried so I wasn’t either.  Within hours of coming home he relaxed and cleaned himself out over the next 24 hours to catch up.  Now he can fart with the best of them, it can be heard all the way across the house.

I am not doing elimination communication yet as it was too overwhelming to move around and take care of him but I am trying to pay attention to his patterns so that when I do try it it’ll be easier for me to know when he needs to go.

This little baby has inherited his mom’s “in your face” approach to certain things as he insisted on nursing during the whole wheelchair ride out of the hospital room to the car when we were discharged.  It was hilarious to watch the look of shock on everybody that we encountered along the way.  The nurses asked if we wanted to wait and my response was “he doesn’t mind”, I guess that they’re not used to dealing with somebody that is confident in nature’s design.

Shammy proudly nursing at the hospital's entrance while waiting to get into the car

Now that he’s at home I wish that there was a camera constantly following us to document all of the precious moments, there is so much that is being missed on a daily basis.

I can just stare into his eyes forever, they are so hypnotizing.  I just sit there in awe every time he smiles or when he makes interesting facial expressions as he is having nice dreams.

He is showing tendencies of being a barefoot hippie as he doesn’t seem to like wearing socks and is an expert at taking them off in record time.  The same applies to hats and blankets.  We just ended up having to get a sleep sac so that he won’t end up with cold feet overnight.

isn't he the cutest sleeping little ball?

Pardon the randomness of thought, this entry has been composed in tiny installments with no interest for proper editing and story flow.

Because I can ramble quite a bit I have broken down posts between my actual post partum recovery and baby Shaman’s first week (upcoming).

Recovering from a c-section is no walk in the park, I was bed bound until the following day and the first few hours were spent with minimal feeling and movement while I waited for the anesthesia to wear off.  They hooked me up to a morphine drip for the pain which did nothing, the nurses just kept saying “keep pressing the button” and it took several hours to convince them that no amount of button pressing would make a difference.

Finally they called the doctor and he approved some magic something to be injected in my IV that gave me relief and allowed me to get some sleep.

Because my water had been broken for so long before Shaman was born the biggest concern was infection, even though he never had a fever or any symptoms and his culture came back negative one of the markers was very high so he was on a course of antibiotics for a while, as a result baby didn’t get released from the hospital until a day after mom did.  I never felt like I was released as I never left the floor, not even to go to the cafeteria, the only difference is that I couldn’t ask the nurses for happy pills.

Thankfully breastfeeding got off to a good start, given that c-section can have a negative impact on breastfeeding I consider myself lucky.  When I first tried shortly after birth Shaman was too hyper and overstimulated to be interested in the breast so we gave him a couple of hours to chill out.  A few hours later he was focused on the mission and once he found the nipple he latched on like a pro.

I’m in desperate need of nursing bras and tank tops, I have very little that I can wear to facilitate nursing.

The challenge now since my milk has come in is that I spend most of my day being a leaky faucet, I’ve actually made small puddles of leaking milk!  The 2 pairs of cloth nursing pads that I have are definitely not enough!  This baby ain’t starving!

Now back on to the recovery process, there are various painful moments that come to mind:

Painful moment #1- removing the dressing from the incision, they were nice enough to wait until all painkillers had worn off.

Painful Moment #2, the Mother of All Painful Moments: standing up for the first time.  I almost fell over but miraculously I didn’t cry.

You will stand up and feel like the front of your body’s being ripped off.  Thanfully the nurses were cool and didn’t rush me, they just told me to call them when i was ready to try.  I would stand completely bent over then slowly have to raise up.

Soon after that my own self imposed mission was to take a shower, I am proud to have done it unassisted although it took forever as moving was still quite the mission but at least it helped me start to feel human again.

Most stupid painful thing to do ever: allowing the Percocet to wear off! I learned that this is no time to be a hero.  I still try to go unmedicated as much as possible but sometimes I just can’t help it.

The remaining painful moments are coughing, sneezing and laughing, specially if without warning, I just see stars!

By next morning they had me on a liquid diet even though I cheated and got the night nurse to sneak me some juice and jello the previous night.  By lunch time the second day I was on solid foods and mediocre hospital food had never tasted so good!

I was encouraged to walk around the floor and after a successful trial run we decided to go on a walk with Shammy, he was being fussy so I pulled out my Baby K-tan carrier and he immediately loved it!  Apparently the nurses had never seen a baby being worn and were amazed that he could look so happy.  We did get in trouble for using the “fancy thing” because nobody told us that baby had to be moved in the bassinet at all times.  I seems to have been missing the rules book in my admissions packet.

a happy 1 day old being worn by mommy

We couldn’t help but roll our eyes when as we headed back to the room one of the nurses commented on how “those fancy things were not available back when I had my kids”, I guess that people truly don’t know that baby slings and carriers predate strollers and car seats by thousands of years… :sigh::

Here I am almost a week later and still trying to clean iodine (or something like it) and adhesive from the myriad sensors, needles and IVs off my skin)

For the most part we had a great experience at the hospital, almost all of the nurses were excellent and one of them went above and beyond being helpful to us.  I did have a clash with a breastfeeding nazi nurse that expected my milk to come in less than 24 hours after birth.

The biggest challenge was the staff being loud whenever coming into the room at all hours and waking Shammy up, usually a minute after we finally got him to sleep which most of the time wasn’t a quick and easy thing.

Halfway through our stay they relocated us to a different room.  I understand their logic as we were in a larger room equipment for surgery recovery and they were preparing for Monday which is a busy day for scheduled C-sections, however the staff really dropped the ball in the process.  With no advance warning we are told that we need to move, the nurse says “no rush” but is trying to pick up our belongings to move them to the new room.  Thank goodness I had just gotten a dose or I would have been barely able to move myself.  This whole process left a very sour aftertaste and we made sure to report it.

I took the opportunity to take a breastfeeding class offered by the hospital’s lactation consultant.  I truly felt like a nerd in there, the LC was shocked that I had been attending La Leche League meetings and read books and websites on the subject, she is used to dealing with moms like my classmates, completely clueless and vulnerable to booby traps.  I am glad that I was as prepared as I was as I did encounter my own booby trap later that night and if I hadn’t been as well informed I could have easily been guilt-tripped into something that wasn’t truly necessary and I would have regretted later.  I will share the booby trap story as part of the upcoming Baby’s first week report.

Since I wasn’t able to get the placenta for encapsulation (more about that later), I started to feel my first major hormonal drive on my second day at the hospital.  That subsided fairly quickly but by the time I reached my second day at home I had a firm case of the baby blues established.  I noticed it was bad when I started to cry when I dropped yet another something on the floor that I couldn’t pick up.   Most of it is stress induced as I’m overwhelmed at how impotent I feel while still recovering, how many simple things I am not allowed to do and the fact that Daddy Fox is going back to work tomorrow and I’m suddenly trying to figure out how to survive the long days home alone with Shammy.

On Thursday I had a follow up with the surgeon to have the staples removed and he immediately could tell that I wasn’t doing well so now I have a prescription for anti depressants that I don’t want to have to take but will have to seriously consider depending on how things go.

My body hasn’t learned the whole concept of sleep when baby sleeps so the sleep deprivation is adding up!  I am freaking exhausted and today I learned that it wasn’t just from lack of sleep.  It turns out that my hemoglobin level is very low causing anemia probably as a result of the 1200 cc of blood that I lost less than a week ago.

I am glad that I got this information as I was starting to wonder if something else was wrong, I had reached the point that I didn’t dare try to stand up while holding baby for fear of falling.  So now I need to boost my iron consumption and have a prescription for iron tablets.  The doctor was talking about blood transfusions if I didn’t improve by Monday but I definitely don’t plan to go there.

In the meantime I just have to deal with feeling more weak and tired than I already should be feeling but at least I know the reason why.

I admit that I have been lacking nutritionally and that doesn’t help matters.  My day consists of mostly snacks and small meals, not all of them optimal choices but that’s what happens when I’m not recovering at an all-inclusive resort.

I haven’t proofread anything that I’ve written but I can only assume at how negative most of it may seem, I’m sure that my mood doesn’t help matters but I do want to point out that it isn’t all bad.  Compared to an online friend that had a c-section 6 weeks ago I’m doing great,  unlike her, I have full control of my bladder and don’t have to walk around wearing depends.  See? the glass is half full.

Now if I could just get one of these grabber things I wouldn't feel so helpless

In other news,  I have already lost 21 pounds, I did gain a lot so we’ll see how long it takes for the rest.  I’m not particularly concerned and don’t plan to stress about it as I’m more into stressing about what to wear that’s convenient for nursing and doesn’t irritate my scar.

Continued from Shaman’s Birth Story- pt 1

… Apparently the giant contraction from hell took even more out of him than it did of me.  That’s when I noticed that the midwife got all serious and down to business and next thing I knew I was being setup in the couch and being told “your baby needs to be born right now!” and being told to push.

The challenge with pushing is that they tell you to make it as if you’re having a bowel movement, but my problem is that for many years I had made a habit of not pushing that way so I had no idea how to go about it as I had been counting on getting the natural urge to push but baby was still too high up for that to kick in.

I knew that things were getting tense as Sandra was on the phone with 911 while I was trying to figure out how the hell I push down into my perineum instead of my stomach.  I had no trouble breathing but I did feel compelled to say “I think I need oxygen” and it was already on it’s way to me.  I knew that the oxygen was for baby and not for me and that things would start to stabilize after that.

After a few minutes in come bursting in a crew of EMT’s as I’m completely naked and spread and in mid-push, I had no sense of modesty and I didn’t care.

I’m quickly loaded up into a stretcher and hooked up to all sorts of stuff and taken out into the ambulance, it was a surreal experience, almost like something out of a tv drama scene but I felt more calm than I had been for a while, I wasn’t worried and knew that baby would be safe.

Midwife was riding with me in the back and my husband was forced to ride in front of the ambulance.  That part sucked as this man had been sticking by me for so long and here we are in the middle of a tense moment and he is pushed into the background.  I was too busy to really miss him but I sure would have preferred his close presence.

Riding in an ambulance strapped on your back while having contractions was something I didn’t want for that is a horrible position to manage the pain in, add to that the fact that it was a bumpy ride to the hospital and the trip felt like it took an hour even though I knew that it was only a few minutes since they didn’t stop at any traffic lights.

Made it into the hospital where I’m wheeled straight up to L & D and hooked up to monitors, doctor comes in and hooks up an internal monitor so I can now hear what baby’s heartbeat is up to.  They have me in there ready to push for a while and in the meantime I notice that his heartbeat is perfect until I get a contraction and drops even further if I push during that contraction.  I’m sitting here wondering why nobody else is noticing that pattern and it makes me not want to put as much effort into pushing.

As it is I wasn’t feeling the pushing to be that effective even though I could feel the baby’s head at the top of the canal it wasn’t low enough and the position of his head was not going to make matters easier for a decent specially from the position that they forced me to be in.

My contractions had been spreading out so there were less opportunities to push and I just wanted to either be allowed to sit up to have gravity help baby along or stop wasting time.  The next time I had to push the doctor was there to witness the decelerations in the baby’s heartbeat and I saw by the look in his face that I was right to not feel like pushing.  That is when he stopped everything and immediately confirmed what I already knew and explained that an emergency c-section would be best since my water had been broken for so long and therefore we were running against the clock and couldn’t wait for baby to drop on his own.

At this point I knew that it was coming and had time to prepare myself for it so I didn’t experience the trauma that I would have otherwise expected, by the time it was said I had already come to peace with it and my mothering instinct had already told me what to do.

being prepped for surgery

After that it didn’t take very long to get prepared and transported to the operating room, my biggest anxiety was about the anesthesia and not the surgery itself.  It must be the part about holding still while a giant needle went into my spine, I had a very good supportive nurse that got me through the process quickly.

daddy suiting up for the OR

Daddy Fox was brought in and sat by my head after I was numbed and strapped and the doctor wasted no time going in, within seconds I heard a delightful cry of an angel and I hear my husband saying “he’s out!”  (we still didn’t know the gender at that point).  We then asked through the curtain “what is it?”.  When we heard “it’s a boy!” THAT’s when I really started crying and I looked at my husband and said “we got our Shammy!”.

We had been calling this baby Shammy all throughout pregnancy and even though we never had any ultrasounds to check the gender we always used “he/him” when talking about the baby so I wasn’t surprised to hear that it’s a boy.

Within seconds they took daddy away from me to be with baby and daddy got to talk to him and touch him while they did their usual newborn stuff (wipe, weigh, measure, prick, etc).  I am glad that at least daddy still got to cut the cord.  After what felt like an eternity they brought me a bundled angel to meet and touch and I was instantly in love.

meeting mommy

Baby and daddy were ready to go to the room but I wasn’t so I had to lie and wait while they went off to show Shammy more of this new world he had just come out to.  Annoyingly I had to sit in the OR longer than I wanted because the doctor dropped the needle driver on the floor and they had to wait for a new one to be delivered.

I first found out about this when the surgeon starts cussing in Spanish because he didn’t know that I was understanding every word.  So I got to lay there open for what felt like an eternity while my baby was being wheeled away, at least I got the consolation that he was with daddy and even though I lost a decent amount of blood they were eventually able to close me up and I joined Shammy about 30 mins later.

I was still under anesthesia and my body temperature had dropped below normal so instead of being able to have baby skin to skin with me they had to pile me up with special warming blankets and I got to watch my baby squirm around in the warmer next to me.

I don't look my best right after major abdominal surgery

After a while I was able to finally hold him despite still being mostly paralyzed in bed but he wasn’t interested in breastfeeding right away as he was too overstimulated from all of the recent action.

A few hours later when he was more relaxed I offered my breast and he latched on like a pro that had been doing it all his life.  I immediately understood what all of the breastfeeding mothers had said about the hormonal feeling that you get and I must agree with them.  It was quite the amazing natural high that is repeated at every session.

first feeding came naturally once he was interested

A lot of people suddenly feel sorry for me because my birth didn’t go according to plan and I got my “biggest fear”come true, do not despair.  I do not feel cheated, disempowered or let down by my experience because I know that I did everything in my power to avoid it and the gods simply had other plans.  Even in my moments of greatest tension my logical brain never failed me and when it came down to the wire my logical side and mother’s instinct were in agreement as to what was best given the circumstances.

This experience is what I CHOOSE to make of it and I choose to cherish the lessons and joy of the journey than get hung up on little details over something that I knew from the beginning would not be under my control.

I am still glad for the 24 hours of labor that allowed me to experience the process as it should be, to connect to that primal side of myself (even though that side did step out on break several times throughout) and most of all knowing that the hormones that baby and I enjoyed during that time of natural labor served to pave the way to prepare us for the birth experience in a way that no hospital could have duplicated.

I am blessed to have the birth support team that I had as they were truly invaluable to my experience.  My husband’s love and dedication was present constantly from the beginning and he rarely left my side.  Our doula was amazing and I wouldn’t have been able to get through the final contractions before transition without the constant coaching of our midwife.

I honestly don’t feel like a failure, because I let go all my attachment to it being about ME when I found out  I was pregnant. This was a journey of trust, surrender and humility and when I got to see me my baby for the first time I couldn’t have cared less about how he got here as all I cared about was that he was finally here.

So don’t worry about me, just worry about the moms that feel that have no choice or make the choice that is not right for them.

Coming soon (sometime), the post-partum recovery report…

I woke up on Thursday morning at 41 weeks feeling normal and pregnant but somehow knowing that today was going to be an action packed day.  After being up for a while and eating breakfast I went to lie down for a little bit of rest and decided to have a conversation with Baby Fox about when and how he (I always called him a “he” even before the gender was announced at birth) wanted to be born.

We were communicating about how he didn’t want to be induced at the hospital with Pitocin and that it would be best if he gave my body a signal to get started on its own sometime over the next week.  Less than a minute later while still lying down I felt an odd cramp and I think “this feels productive” then I felt and heard a small pop and even though my bladder felt fine I felt the urge to get up and hurry to the bathroom, as soon as I cleared the carpeted area and entered the bathroom tile I feel this gush and trickle coming down my legs.

My first instinct was “oh great, I peed myself” but I didn’t feel like my bladder was releasing so I did a kegel squeeze and noticed that it did nothing to stop or slow down the flow and that the liquid was completely clear, I went to the bathroom and was able to compare the difference and knew without doubt that no, I hadn’t peed myself and that I would be meeting my baby soon.

laughing at how much clear fluid I was leaking

I waddled to the kitchen and informed my husband that he shouldn’t plan on work and proceeded to call the midwife for a heads up.

Labor started very gradually over the next couple of hours, first with some mild/ non-painful contractions that most of the time I wouldn’t notice except that they would squeeze out more amniotic fluid and that would let me know that my belly was tight.  It was a funny and frustrating thing because I was leaking EVERYWHERE and had to be careful not to slip on my own pools of amniotic fluids.

While I was in the nursery getting something to show Daddy Fox I got my first strong contraction that made me gush so much liquid that I just stood there laughing watching it stream down my legs and make a pool at my feet, there was no point in trying to contain it with pads, it would soak right through.

The midwife came by in the early afternoon to check on things and make sure that baby’s heartbeat was fine.  By then I was having painful contractions but they were still in the early labor stage, manageable and with a decent break in between.  She left to take care of business while waiting for my call to let her know that things had picked up, I really didn’t think that we would call her until that evening but my body had other plans…

Within minutes of her leaving contractions intensified and were becoming more painful and closer together, after almost an hour of contractions being 3-4 minutes apart and 1-1.5 minutes long I asked hubby to give our doula a call and to notify our midwife soon after.  I remember being told that she texted saying to get the tub filled, I remember thinking “isn’t it early for that?” but then I had to go inside myself to manage the contractions and the surroundings would blur regularly.

After this stage things become hazy and blurry for me, I know that the midwife arrived at some point but by the time I noticed she was busy setting up and her assistant had arrived without me noticing.

I had entered the first stage of active labor and things were picking up in intensity, I was very proud of myself at how good I was handling things until then, I would go inward at every contractions and vocalize, sometimes almost chant to get through them, it was tiring but very doable provided that I took it a contraction at a time and didn’t think about how much I may have left.

our doula helping me through a contraction

After a while the pain was taking its toll and I asked if it would be a good time to go in the pool, the midwife agreed as long as it didn’t slow things down by spacing contractions out.  I got in and it was a GREAT help, the warmth was so relaxing that it allowed my body to tense less during contractions which made for one less thing to focus on doing during a contraction.  The only gripe was that the water level was not high enough to fully cover my belly and it felt like torture to go through a contraction without having someone pouring warm water over the belly during it.

As the day turned into night I lost more and more connection to the outside world and would go into “labor land” in between contractions thanks to the complex mix of hormones swirling through my body.

It was difficult to stay nourished and hydrated as I threw up fairly regularly as a result of some of the stronger contractions.  Sometime late at night things were getting so intense that my focus was starting to falter and it was getting harder to get through the contractions, I was getting tired and only having a 2 minute break in between to try to nap quickly and recharge.  But things had started to slow down as well so at the suggestion of the midwife we tried a couple of approaches such as nipple stimulation and acupressure while in the shower to get the contractions to pick up pace again.

After being in the shower for what felt like an eternity not much was happening but the water felt delicious during contractions.  At some point I noticed an emotional shift where for the first time in the whole process I started to doubt myself and cry in frustration of being so tired, it was hard to open up and be vulnerable about my feelings when having an audience but I credit the fact that I trusted them all so much to be part of this process with me that I could do so.

I was displaying the signs of entering transition yet my body was stalling, I had made it to 7 centimeters but was still working on bringing the baby down to have his head pressure on the cervix to move things along.  Sometime in the wee hours I had lost enough of my grip that I decided to call Eileen, the EFT practitioner that I had worked with my during pregnancy.  I felt bad calling her at 4am or whatever time it is that I dialed her but I needed to refocus quick as I was starting to have a mini panic attack during the stronger contractions as they were coming in double waves with the second peak being way stronger than the first one and I could no longer breathe properly through them.

I worked with Eileen on the phone crying about how I felt stuck and that there was something holding my body back, we talked for a while with me having to put down the phone every time that I had a contraction, it was helpful at first but at one point I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t focus on listening to her, tapping and dealing with what was going on at the time so I just hung up.

After another period of blurriness, Sandra (midwife’s assistant) put on her loving drill sergeant hat and coached me out of my shell of despair into doing some uncomfortable techniques to bring baby down.  So here I am less than an hour before sunrise naked in our backyard with me walking like a sumo wrestler and stomping on the grass to have the rocking and moving help baby move lower.

By sunrise I was back in the tub and gradually able to take emotional control of the situation, it still wasn’t easy but I was freaking out less, the exhaustion was the biggest thing taking its toll since I was having such a near impossible time eating and sleeping.  At least baby was making his way down….

working through active labor in the birth pool

By then the back labor was my biggest challenge, I would yell for someone to put pressure on my back during a contraction as I didn’t know how in the world I could get through it otherwise.  The sunrise turned into full fledged morning and I was starting to crumble again, one expects the emotional signs of transition (seriously enjoying the idea of a hospital) with your body doing the last bit of opening needed but my body was not communicating with my emotions and hormones.  I had been stuck at 7 centimeters for hours which was discouraging but being able to feel with my baby’s hair with my own fingers gave me the motivation to give it another 1 1/2 hours before I cried for help again.

My husband took a short nap since things had been going on for so long, I tried to let him as long as I could until I just had to ask for him.

I wouldn't have made it anywhere near as far without my husband

Shortly after getting out of the pool I labored in the birthing stool for a couple of contractions when I suddenly felt this wave of helplessness come over me and I declared that I wanted to go to the bathroom now!  As I stood up to try to walk I was suddenly hit with a contraction that immediately peaked without warning and when that peak faded, another one came, and then another one, and then another one and… it felt like it went on for an eternity as if my body got stuck in that loop like a broken record of peaks with no break in between.

I counted 7 peaks on what will forever be known as the giant contraction from hell, I don’t know how long it took for it to be complete as it was an eternity to me but when I was done I had dilated from 7 to 10 centimeters in that one giant contraction.

That is when everything changed, baby Fox’s heartbeat had been monitored regularly throughout the whole labor, including during contractions and he was making it all look like a walk in the park, labor was not affecting him at all… until now.

Story continues here

Apologies in advance for any worse than usual grammar and story fragmentation, I am not in a mood to play editor and proofread…

After crying a few months ago about the changing pad that I wanted being out of stock everywhere I finally found a store that just got it back in stock and had to spend money I really shouldn’t have ordering it!  I can’t resist, it’s got dragonflies and it matches the wetbag, pail liner and one of the diaper covers!  It brings me joy

Whereas most moms have a shopping obsession with baby clothes, my obsession is with cloth diapers, I have more than enough diapers to work with but when the consignment store announced they got a bunch of new ones in, I had to go in and it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t buy the tie dye diaper they had.  So yes, I have spent more on cloth diapers than I could have but I’m still hundreds of dollars ahead of the game than if I were to buy disposables for the first year alone.

Huge bump at 40 weeks

Apparently I look “like I’m about to pop” because anytime that I leave the house I’m approached my more strangers than ever saying “soon?!” or asking about my due date and then I get to watch their eyes pop out of their heads when I respond “last Thursday”.  Then I get the pity look and the “aaww, you look so tired!” or “you must be exhausted!”  thanks for stating the obvious!

Yes, I am freaking tired most of the time but I just take it easy and be patient.  I am not going around screaming “get it out of me!” so I don’t understand why others are so intent on rushing the process.

Now everybody and their mother has an unsolicited opinion on what we should do to induce labor.  Because they just assume that since I’m “overdue” that I am anxious to try everything to evict this baby and because they think that until they came along I would have never known that I should: be having sex, eat a pineapple, drink castor oil or ::insert one of dozens of induction methods here::  It’s a repeat of the whole fiasco of everybody saying “put your feet up” when I mentioned the swollen feet.  Haven’t you all learned by now that I read almost as much as I breathe and therefore would have at some point stumbled upon that nugget of knowledge?  From now on I’ll take these suggestions as insults to my intelligence, give me some credit!

The funny thing is that my husband gets most of the advice, the poor guy;  although perhaps he may not deserve so much sympathy given as to how he will go out of his way to announce the bun as running late.

Please remember (or learn) that the average human gestation period is 37 TO 42 weeks and that an Estimated Due Date is just that an ESTIMATE and not an expiration date!

We appreciate people’s concerns and we may explore options if we get closer to 42 weeks at which point the state imposes a deadline for me to pop by.  Your suggestions for induction options are not needed, we have a long list of things to try and Google can add to that with a simple search and whatever that goes beyond the basic stuff like walking and eating pineapples will be in consultation with our midwife.

“The first intervention in natural childbirth is the one that a healthy woman does herself when she walks out the front door of her own home in labour.”

— Michael Rosenthal, OB/GYN (from Midwifery Today E-news 7:24)

I haven’t really touched this topic on this blog as people tend to be very passionate about it and therefore get their panties in a twist easily yet are unable to intelligently defend their opinion with valid reasons but this is my virtual home and I can say whatever I want in my house and I just need to vent somewhere…

What are some of the other reasons we humans disfigure our children? Religious and cultural…of course.

Religious: Well, I guess if you are Jewish, and dinky dissection is something you really believe your God wants, then go for it. Personally, I can’t figure out why God would want you to cut off something he just gave your son, if he did not want it there why put it in the first place?  But I respect your faith and keep my mouth shut.

Cultural: “I don’t want my son’s penis to look different than mine” or “I don’t want my son to feel different in the locker room” are shit reasons. To all the dads out there: Get over yourself! Just because your parents mutilated you doesn’t mean you have to pass on the love.

I really feel that parents who would sooner subject their children to an unnecessary medical procedure rather than educate their children on health issues are the same shitty parents who use the TV as a baby sitter, and candy as a pacifier.

Ultimately, little boys are human beings, not property. I say teach them the options, and let’s see how many 18 year olds choose to go under the knife.  On a personal note, I have met only 1 man that consciously chose to get circumcised as an adult to please his wife and years later he is still living with regret over his decision and wishing that he could go back in time.

It’s not unexpected for parents who circumcise to be defensive about what they did. To be fair, things are far different now than they were decades ago. At that time, circumcision was nearly universal in the United States. There was much less information available, and there was no internet where one could go to easily access it as well as hear innumerable personal experiences.

Parents decades ago can be much more easily excused than new parents of today. But I also think those who circumcised decades ago should recognize the importance of openly re-evaluating their decision in light of current knowledge, including the regrets of their male children. Not only because it’s the honest thing to do, but also because it’s meaningful to those who lost an important part of their body and can’t ever get it back.  Just because you did it to your son shouldn’t automatically entitle you to pressure others to do it to theirs.

And to those that think that it’s just a tiny piece of excess skin… It’s actually up to 50% of the skin (unfolded on a grown man measures the size of a 3×5″ index card!), and 80% of the nerve endings. The foreskin has 20,000 nerve endings (compared to 4,000 nerve endings in the glans).

Just because you are responsible for your child’s well being until they are old enough to run their lives in my opinion doesn’t automatically grant the authority to perform a procedure that is NOT recommended by any medical organization in the world, that has very serious risks of complication including possible death and that at the very least is not reversible should your boy grow up to decide that he wants his foreskin after all.

And if you are dead set in getting your buy cut, I just hope that you’ll take the time to watch an uncensored video of the procedure from beginning to end without closing your eyes, turning your head or throwing up and make sure you are in the room when the doctor puts the clamp on and takes the scalpel to your baby.

And I agree with the sentiments of an online blogger:

“My heart aches for the parents that circumcise and then later regret it. My head explodes for those that have a chance to know better and don’t take it”

So yes, I’m an intactivist and that shouldn’t surprise you.  I’m sure that some people will want to throw shit my way over this and that’s fine, just remember that this blog is my house and I don’t throw poop at you when you say what you want at your own home so chances are that it will be ignored.  And if someone wants to learn more,  visit www.savingpenises.org for a Prepuce Information Pack.

On things that make me roll my eyes and shake my head…

A new mom in one of the forums that I frequent is whining about how her baby is allergic to regular formula and can only tolerate a special kind so she now will have to buy a fancy formula that costs $59 a can while in the same conversation she complains about how painful it is to wait for her milk supply to dry up.  WTF?

ACOG (American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) is now supporting VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean), this is great news overall but I can’t help but feel a  sense of “wait and see” on what it’s actual effect will be.  I would love this having an effect in reducing the epidemic c-section rate in this country but that may be too optimistic on my part.   It’s not the first time that ACOG changes its mind about something but it doesn’t really lead to the expected change in hospital practice.

I recall food and drinks in labor being a recent reversal.  The old standard of nothing to eat and nothing to drink during labor, which-is-likely-the-most-physically-challenging-and-intense-thing-you-will-do-in-your-lifetime-and-you-get-nothing-to-drink has been reversed.  This was reversed a while ago.

Yet, side note, a friend just emailed me the online description of her hospital’s maternity ward (Yes, I have friends who birth in hospitals). It flat-out says that the expectant mom shall have only clear broth and ice chips. It strictly forbids food and water for the expectant mother (Can one go to jail for drinking water while in labor?)

The other thing is the wording on ACOG’s new statement. It’s tricky.

Here’s the gist of what they say: Yes, they will encourage VBAC mothers to have a trial of labor (but then what? “Oh sorry dear, You tried and failed, like we anticipated, so we are prepping you for your second (or third or fourth) c-section. Good effort though.”)

But at least it’s a step in the right direction.

If ACOG reversed its decision on food and water and now on VBACs, is it possible to think that they may one day reverse their stance on other issues… such as homebirth?  Not holding my breath but I do believe in miracles.

The latest example of how some medical professional use a patient’s ignorance for their convenience…. a couple of days ago woman is in labor at the hospital, she is progressing well but since she is going through it natural she is making some noises to handle the contractions.  She had been lying on her back for several hours (known to put pressure on  which can reduce oxygen supply to the baby), baby’s heart rate slows down as a result.  Nurse tells her “you have to get an epidural or we will have to do an emergency C-section”, she didn’t know any better so she got the epidural and the nurses didn’t have to deal with her making noises the rest of the night while her dream of natural childbirth was flushed down the toilet and she needed to have a vacuum assisted delivery because she was too numb to push effectively (while still lying on her back).

Now she’s kicking herself because she didn’t realize that if she just changed positions baby’s heart rate would have normalized on its own (which it did when she had to sit up to have the epidural needle inserted but by then she had been scared by the nurse).

So remember, there are great doctors and nurses out there but you can’t count on them being on call when you show up to the hospital, you don’t have to go to medical school before getting pregnant but make sure you have a solid foundation of information so that you won’t have your naivete used against you!

So Baby Fox seems to enjoy the cozy accommodations in my uterus as I have made it to 40 weeks with him/her not hinting at being in any rush to come out.

Making it to this point is a huge thing for me given my family history (nobody that I know of in the current generation made it to their due date), I was born about 2 weeks early. I admit that due to the somewhat traumatic experience of my cousin I did have a fear of pre-term labor for a while, I even used EFT to overcome that anxiety.

From the “due date clubs” that I check out in various internet sites, I seem to be one of a small handful of moms that have reached a due date and do not have a scheduled eviction, I mean induction appointment made.  I had to roll my eyes when another mom-to-be that was also due today was crying because her induction scheduled for today was postponed because 2 other women went into labor spontaneously, wtf?  I must remind you that these are healthy women in low risk pregnancies with no medical reason to rush the baby out.

Things have been quiet on the labor front for days, I used to have signs of prodomal (sp?) labor a few weeks ago but they have all but vanished. I know that a lot of my contractions were stress induced so I think that not having to deal with work drama has certainly helped in that front.  In a sense I think this is a good thing because when some action does happen I will be more likely to pay attention and less likely to chalk it up as “more of the same”.

I’m happy to report that the feet swelling is not being so scary anymore. I still swell daily starting the second that I get out of bed but at least unlike before, most of it is going away while I sleep.  This usually means that I go to the bathroom 15 times instead of 5 during the night to get rid of all of the excess fluid but it’s worth it to have it be less uncomfortable the next day. I credit the massaging that hubby does right before bed with helping with the drainage, it’s not as long as I would like but I see it making a big difference and even though I still don’t fit into any of my shoes, my feet look almost human again.

My sleep patterns are going back to normal again, I get tired easily but no longer feel the need to sleep the day away.  My productivity is limited in capacity though, if I don’t get something done before noon chances are that it won’t get done at all as I notice that I get very drowsy in the afternoon although not enough to sleep it off.

All systems are go for Baby Fox’s arrival, it’s only a matter of waiting to know when it’s time to call the midwife and fill up the tub. For someone that can be OCD about scheduling (just ask my husband), it’s kind of fun not knowing when baby Fox will decide to make an appearance.   It makes every day somewhat of an adventure, although I notice that I don’t wake up thinking “maybe today is the day”, I just wake up and go around the day knowing not to get attached to any plans I may want to make.

Some people say that I will “know” when it’s going to happen soon, all I have to say about that is that it either won’t be anytime soon or I’m just out of touch and clueless.  Meanwhile I try to rest when my body asks for it and be semi-productive and entertained the rest of the time.

After months of research and consideration we have opted to skip the Vitamin K shot at birth unless baby has a hematoma or another reason for it. I was originally going to administer the dose orally but even that felt unnecessary if everything was healthy so I have been taking the vitamin K myself so that baby will get it through breast milk but I’m willing to give it to baby directly if it feels right. I must admit that I feel more safe giving those vitamin K drops to baby than infant formula as all of the ingredients are completely natural, not synthetic and all ingredients are pronounceable. I can’t say the same about the formula in the supermarket shelves.

A short commercial break with the trailer for a very interesting documentary on breastfeeding that I want to watch:

So here I am about to have a baby any day now and I don’t know any lullabies.  It’s ok, I knew about this for months, I could have tried to learn some but like with prenatal yoga, I just never got the motivation. I’m not concerned because baby will just care about hearing mommy’s voice and won’t know the difference between a lullaby and a Counting Crows song.

I had received a magazine in the mail from the people from theknot.com called “The Nest”, I wasn’t particularly interested but I did flip through it and saw an article about a married celebrity couple (a drummer and actress, have no idea who they are) and their green living tips and instantly noticed that there was no mention of the cloth diapers that their baby is obviously wearing in one of the pictures, a few months ago I would have never noticed something like that, lol.

Yesterday I saw a blog posting from another mom about what she carries in her diaper bag, the entry had a picture with everything laid out and numbered and she gave a list of the whole inventory. This made me curious and I did some research into what some other people carry for comparison. It is amazing to see how some people seem to come close to packing the whole nursery!

I can see the relevance of many items but I wonder if the rest is just there for peace of mind and never get used. I plan to start basic and add things as I find myself needing them because I don’t want the bag to weigh more than baby!

My poor husband is constantly intercepted by people at work asking “no baby yet?”, none of them seem to consider that he would not be at work if there was a baby. That man has gone to every single prenatal appointment with me, why in the world would he go right back to work as soon as he cuts the cord? He doesn’t get to have a paternity leave but you bet that he deserves a few days to get hang out with and get to know his child. I’m just glad that I’m not at work because heads would have already rolled from people asking questions and making comments, he’s got way more patience than I do.

thankfully people know not to call me

People do seem to be way more interested than I am to know how many centimeters dilated and what percent effaced I am.  Why do they care if I don’t?   Those numbers mean nothing unless I am in active labor.  I can be 4 cm 80% effaced for 4 weeks or not be dilated or effaced at all and have a baby before midnight.    My midwife only checks by request and I have no interest in knowing before show time.