Hippie Mom in a Preppy World

Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy’

Apologies in advance for any worse than usual grammar and story fragmentation, I am not in a mood to play editor and proofread…

After crying a few months ago about the changing pad that I wanted being out of stock everywhere I finally found a store that just got it back in stock and had to spend money I really shouldn’t have ordering it!  I can’t resist, it’s got dragonflies and it matches the wetbag, pail liner and one of the diaper covers!  It brings me joy

Whereas most moms have a shopping obsession with baby clothes, my obsession is with cloth diapers, I have more than enough diapers to work with but when the consignment store announced they got a bunch of new ones in, I had to go in and it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t buy the tie dye diaper they had.  So yes, I have spent more on cloth diapers than I could have but I’m still hundreds of dollars ahead of the game than if I were to buy disposables for the first year alone.

Apparently I look “like I’m about to pop” because anytime that I leave the house I’m approached my more strangers than ever saying “soon?!” or asking about my due date and then I get to watch their eyes pop out of their heads when I respond “last Thursday”.  Then I get the pity look and the “aaww, you look so tired!” or “you must be exhausted!”  thanks for stating the obvious!

Yes, I am freaking tired most of the time but I just take it easy and be patient.  I am not going around screaming “get it out of me!” so I don’t understand why others are so intent on rushing the process.

Now everybody and their mother has an unsolicited opinion on what we should do to induce labor.  Because they just assume that since I’m “overdue” that I am anxious to try everything to evict this baby and because they think that until they came along I would have never known that I should: be having sex, eat a pineapple, drink castor oil or ::insert one of dozens of induction methods here::  It’s a repeat of the whole fiasco of everybody saying “put your feet up” when I mentioned the swollen feet.  Haven’t you all learned by now that I read almost as much as I breathe and therefore would have at some point stumbled upon that nugget of knowledge?  From now on I’ll take these suggestions as insults to my intelligence, give me some credit!

The funny thing is that my husband gets most of the advice, the poor guy;  although perhaps he may not deserve so much sympathy given as to how he will go out of his way to announce the bun as running late.

Please remember (or learn) that the average human gestation period is 37 TO 42 weeks and that an Estimated Due Date is just that an ESTIMATE and not an expiration date!

We appreciate people’s concerns and we may explore options if we get closer to 42 weeks at which point the state imposes a deadline for me to pop by.  Your suggestions for induction options are not needed, we have a long list of things to try and Google can add to that with a simple search and whatever that goes beyond the basic stuff like walking and eating pineapples will be in consultation with our midwife.

“The first intervention in natural childbirth is the one that a healthy woman does herself when she walks out the front door of her own home in labour.”

— Michael Rosenthal, OB/GYN (from Midwifery Today E-news 7:24)

I haven’t really touched this topic on this blog as people tend to be very passionate about it and therefore get their panties in a twist easily yet are unable to intelligently defend their opinion with valid reasons but this is my virtual home and I can say whatever I want in my house and I just need to vent somewhere…

What are some of the other reasons we humans disfigure our children? Religious and cultural…of course.

Religious: Well, I guess if you are Jewish, and dinky dissection is something you really believe your God wants, then go for it. Personally, I can’t figure out why God would want you to cut off something he just gave your son, if he did not want it there why put it in the first place?  But I respect your faith and keep my mouth shut.

Cultural: “I don’t want my son’s penis to look different than mine” or “I don’t want my son to feel different in the locker room” are shit reasons. To all the dads out there: Get over yourself! Just because your parents mutilated you doesn’t mean you have to pass on the love.

I really feel that parents who would sooner subject their children to an unnecessary medical procedure rather than educate their children on health issues are the same shitty parents who use the TV as a baby sitter, and candy as a pacifier.

Ultimately, little boys are human beings, not property. I say teach them the options, and let’s see how many 18 year olds choose to go under the knife.  On a personal note, I have met only 1 man that consciously chose to get circumcised as an adult to please his wife and years later he is still living with regret over his decision and wishing that he could go back in time.

It’s not unexpected for parents who circumcise to be defensive about what they did. To be fair, things are far different now than they were decades ago. At that time, circumcision was nearly universal in the United States. There was much less information available, and there was no internet where one could go to easily access it as well as hear innumerable personal experiences.

Parents decades ago can be much more easily excused than new parents of today. But I also think those who circumcised decades ago should recognize the importance of openly re-evaluating their decision in light of current knowledge, including the regrets of their male children. Not only because it’s the honest thing to do, but also because it’s meaningful to those who lost an important part of their body and can’t ever get it back.  Just because you did it to your son shouldn’t automatically entitle you to pressure others to do it to theirs.

And to those that think that it’s just a tiny piece of excess skin… It’s actually up to 50% of the skin (unfolded on a grown man measures the size of a 3×5″ index card!), and 80% of the nerve endings. The foreskin has 20,000 nerve endings (compared to 4,000 nerve endings in the glans).

Just because you are responsible for your child’s well being until they are old enough to run their lives in my opinion doesn’t automatically grant the authority to perform a procedure that is NOT recommended by any medical organization in the world, that has very serious risks of complication including possible death and that at the very least is not reversible should your boy grow up to decide that he wants his foreskin after all.

And if you are dead set in getting your buy cut, I just hope that you’ll take the time to watch an uncensored video of the procedure from beginning to end without closing your eyes, turning your head or throwing up and make sure you are in the room when the doctor puts the clamp on and takes the scalpel to your baby.

And I agree with the sentiments of an online blogger:

“My heart aches for the parents that circumcise and then later regret it. My head explodes for those that have a chance to know better and don’t take it”

So yes, I’m an intactivist and that shouldn’t surprise you.  I’m sure that some people will want to throw shit my way over this and that’s fine, just remember that this blog is my house and I don’t throw poop at you when you say what you want at your own home so chances are that it will be ignored.  And if someone wants to learn more,  visit www.savingpenises.org for a Prepuce Information Pack.

On things that make me roll my eyes and shake my head…

A new mom in one of the forums that I frequent is whining about how her baby is allergic to regular formula and can only tolerate a special kind so she now will have to buy a fancy formula that costs $59 a can while in the same conversation she complains about how painful it is to wait for her milk supply to dry up.  WTF?

ACOG (American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) is now supporting VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean), this is great news overall but I can’t help but feel a  sense of “wait and see” on what it’s actual effect will be.  I would love this having an effect in reducing the epidemic c-section rate in this country but that may be too optimistic on my part.   It’s not the first time that ACOG changes its mind about something but it doesn’t really lead to the expected change in hospital practice.

I recall food and drinks in labor being a recent reversal.  The old standard of nothing to eat and nothing to drink during labor, which-is-likely-the-most-physically-challenging-and-intense-thing-you-will-do-in-your-lifetime-and-you-get-nothing-to-drink has been reversed.  This was reversed a while ago.

Yet, side note, a friend just emailed me the online description of her hospital’s maternity ward (Yes, I have friends who birth in hospitals). It flat-out says that the expectant mom shall have only clear broth and ice chips. It strictly forbids food and water for the expectant mother (Can one go to jail for drinking water while in labor?)

The other thing is the wording on ACOG’s new statement. It’s tricky.

Here’s the gist of what they say: Yes, they will encourage VBAC mothers to have a trial of labor (but then what? “Oh sorry dear, You tried and failed, like we anticipated, so we are prepping you for your second (or third or fourth) c-section. Good effort though.”)

But at least it’s a step in the right direction.

If ACOG reversed its decision on food and water and now on VBACs, is it possible to think that they may one day reverse their stance on other issues… such as homebirth?  Not holding my breath but I do believe in miracles.

The latest example of how some medical professional use a patient’s ignorance for their convenience…. a couple of days ago woman is in labor at the hospital, she is progressing well but since she is going through it natural she is making some noises to handle the contractions.  She had been lying on her back for several hours (known to put pressure on  which can reduce oxygen supply to the baby), baby’s heart rate slows down as a result.  Nurse tells her “you have to get an epidural or we will have to do an emergency C-section”, she didn’t know any better so she got the epidural and the nurses didn’t have to deal with her making noises the rest of the night while her dream of natural childbirth was flushed down the toilet and she needed to have a vacuum assisted delivery because she was too numb to push effectively (while still lying on her back).

Now she’s kicking herself because she didn’t realize that if she just changed positions baby’s heart rate would have normalized on its own (which it did when she had to sit up to have the epidural needle inserted but by then she had been scared by the nurse).

So remember, there are great doctors and nurses out there but you can’t count on them being on call when you show up to the hospital, you don’t have to go to medical school before getting pregnant but make sure you have a solid foundation of information so that you won’t have your naivete used against you!

So Baby Fox seems to enjoy the cozy accommodations in my uterus as I have made it to 40 weeks with him/her not hinting at being in any rush to come out.

Making it to this point is a huge thing for me given my family history (nobody that I know of in the current generation made it to their due date), I was born about 2 weeks early. I admit that due to the somewhat traumatic experience of my cousin I did have a fear of pre-term labor for a while, I even used EFT to overcome that anxiety.

From the “due date clubs” that I check out in various internet sites, I seem to be one of a small handful of moms that have reached a due date and do not have a scheduled eviction, I mean induction appointment made.  I had to roll my eyes when another mom-to-be that was also due today was crying because her induction scheduled for today was postponed because 2 other women went into labor spontaneously, wtf?  I must remind you that these are healthy women in low risk pregnancies with no medical reason to rush the baby out.

Things have been quiet on the labor front for days, I used to have signs of prodomal (sp?) labor a few weeks ago but they have all but vanished. I know that a lot of my contractions were stress induced so I think that not having to deal with work drama has certainly helped in that front.  In a sense I think this is a good thing because when some action does happen I will be more likely to pay attention and less likely to chalk it up as “more of the same”.

I’m happy to report that the feet swelling is not being so scary anymore. I still swell daily starting the second that I get out of bed but at least unlike before, most of it is going away while I sleep.  This usually means that I go to the bathroom 15 times instead of 5 during the night to get rid of all of the excess fluid but it’s worth it to have it be less uncomfortable the next day. I credit the massaging that hubby does right before bed with helping with the drainage, it’s not as long as I would like but I see it making a big difference and even though I still don’t fit into any of my shoes, my feet look almost human again.

My sleep patterns are going back to normal again, I get tired easily but no longer feel the need to sleep the day away.  My productivity is limited in capacity though, if I don’t get something done before noon chances are that it won’t get done at all as I notice that I get very drowsy in the afternoon although not enough to sleep it off.

All systems are go for Baby Fox’s arrival, it’s only a matter of waiting to know when it’s time to call the midwife and fill up the tub. For someone that can be OCD about scheduling (just ask my husband), it’s kind of fun not knowing when baby Fox will decide to make an appearance.   It makes every day somewhat of an adventure, although I notice that I don’t wake up thinking “maybe today is the day”, I just wake up and go around the day knowing not to get attached to any plans I may want to make.

Some people say that I will “know” when it’s going to happen soon, all I have to say about that is that it either won’t be anytime soon or I’m just out of touch and clueless.  Meanwhile I try to rest when my body asks for it and be semi-productive and entertained the rest of the time.

After months of research and consideration we have opted to skip the Vitamin K shot at birth unless baby has a hematoma or another reason for it. I was originally going to administer the dose orally but even that felt unnecessary if everything was healthy so I have been taking the vitamin K myself so that baby will get it through breast milk but I’m willing to give it to baby directly if it feels right. I must admit that I feel more safe giving those vitamin K drops to baby than infant formula as all of the ingredients are completely natural, not synthetic and all ingredients are pronounceable. I can’t say the same about the formula in the supermarket shelves.

A short commercial break with the trailer for a very interesting documentary on breastfeeding that I want to watch:

So here I am about to have a baby any day now and I don’t know any lullabies.  It’s ok, I knew about this for months, I could have tried to learn some but like with prenatal yoga, I just never got the motivation. I’m not concerned because baby will just care about hearing mommy’s voice and won’t know the difference between a lullaby and a Counting Crows song.

I had received a magazine in the mail from the people from theknot.com called “The Nest”, I wasn’t particularly interested but I did flip through it and saw an article about a married celebrity couple (a drummer and actress, have no idea who they are) and their green living tips and instantly noticed that there was no mention of the cloth diapers that their baby is obviously wearing in one of the pictures, a few months ago I would have never noticed something like that, lol.

Yesterday I saw a blog posting from another mom about what she carries in her diaper bag, the entry had a picture with everything laid out and numbered and she gave a list of the whole inventory. This made me curious and I did some research into what some other people carry for comparison. It is amazing to see how some people seem to come close to packing the whole nursery!

I can see the relevance of many items but I wonder if the rest is just there for peace of mind and never get used. I plan to start basic and add things as I find myself needing them because I don’t want the bag to weigh more than baby!

My poor husband is constantly intercepted by people at work asking “no baby yet?”, none of them seem to consider that he would not be at work if there was a baby. That man has gone to every single prenatal appointment with me, why in the world would he go right back to work as soon as he cuts the cord? He doesn’t get to have a paternity leave but you bet that he deserves a few days to get hang out with and get to know his child. I’m just glad that I’m not at work because heads would have already rolled from people asking questions and making comments, he’s got way more patience than I do.

People do seem to be way more interested than I am to know how many centimeters dilated and what percent effaced I am.  Why do they care if I don’t?   Those numbers mean nothing unless I am in active labor.  I can be 4 cm 80% effaced for 4 weeks or not be dilated or effaced at all and have a baby before midnight.    My midwife only checks by request and I have no interest in knowing before show time.

The major development of this week is the fact that I have officially started my maternity leave and ahead of schedule.  The original plan was to work until I went into labor and it could have been done but not without a great health cost, specially to my emotional and mental health.

My work performance was being affected and I was having a very hard time completing my shifts.  On Tuesday I found myself feeling both physically and mentally unwell and the pressures at work were making things worse.  Thanks to my experience with social anxiety disorder I could tell that I was exhibiting all of the physical warning signs of an anxiety attack and that it was only a matter of time before I snapped.

It would have been easier to stay if it wasn’t for the people.   These are nice, well meaning people that just happen to be highly irritating by being nice.  When it’s not even 9am and I have over 10 people saying “how are you feeling?”, “you look ready to pop!”, “any day now” and “you must be exhausted!”, I had to run to the bathroom and have a mini breakdown to release the tension and avoid letting hormonal bitch respond to them.

I was so on edge all day that it was hard to keep it together and I knew that I couldn’t hide my general discomfort and that would just trigger more “how are you feeling?” questions that were now coming from more and more different people, including men who had never cared before and employees from the other side of the building that had never ever talked to me.

That’s when I decided that it’s best to start my leave early even if it means a potentially larger financial impact than risk getting fired for workplace violence for biting some innocent soul’s head off for trying to be nice.  I am glad to have my husband’s support in that decision as I felt very conflicted about it at first.

Communication channels were not on my side to have a smooth transition though, the head of HR was not available to see me, my direct supervisor had the day off and the program manager was too busy to talk.  After sticking it out for over 3 1/2 hours just waiting to do the right thing and talk to someone I ended up just giving up and sending an e-mail to the HR manager, dropping my leave paperwork in her inbox and sending an e-mail to the program manager after I got home.  I didn’t even say goodbye to my agents as I couldn’t handle more of the same that made me want to run for the hills, as far as they were concerned I went on break and didn’t return.

After all that communication still sucked and I end up getting a text message from my boss the next morning asking if I was coming to work today because apparently nobody got the memo or if they did they didn’t bother to tell her.  Geesh!

Within hours of leaving I felt validated in having made the right choice, after taking some time at home to clear and relax all traces of anxiety and fears of looming panic attacks dissipated and I feel so much better on all levels, physically, mentally and emotionally.  I don’t care about the cankles anymore, I feel better and even people now comment about how good I look.  I feel happy, relaxed and I am even able to sleep better.

Speaking of sleep, I mistakenly thought that I would have more energy now that I’m not working full time but it’s been the opposite!  Despite sleeping more hours at night I’m also becoming short of narcoleptic during the day being hit by sleepy spells that naps don’t fix.  It’s a miracle that I haven’t napped yet today but it certainly isn’t for lack of sleepiness!

It almost feels like baby is readjusting my sleep patterns to train me for what’s to come as I now wake up once or twice a night and have insomnia for 30 mins to 1 hour before going back to sleep and have become more reliant on daytime naps as well.

So apparently I’m next in line as being due for the midwife so she waits for my call in between our weekly appointments,  the birth tub is set up so it’s only a matter of filling it up once I go into labor… whenever that is.  My due date is 1 week from today but I could go over 2 weeks past that and only Baby Fox knows his/her birthdate.

But if the departure of National Geographic nipples and the gradual return of the normal ones I remember in addition to suddenly having a teenager’s skin complexion are any signs of impending labor then I must be getting close!

And yes, there will probably be an update on Facebook once labor starts but it won’t be until things are well underway, I don’t plan to be posting things like “could this be it?”, that way anybody that cares can be informed when it’s showtime and we don’t have to activate a phone tree as that is so 1990.

Another recent physical change has been on my belly.  After 9 months of smooth skin I have now started to get stretch marks.  Everything was fine as long as my belly was stretching outwards but when the dropping started that’s when they showed up.  So it sucks that I ended up getting some marks after all but I’m not heartbroken, as far as I am concerned these are similar to battle scars and I’ll wear them with pride as badges of motherhood.

It’s kinda funny how people that don’t know me comment on how high I carry as I still looks that way but I have indeed dropped quite a bit in recent weeks, I just have a tall belly (midwife thinks that I’ll be pushing a decent sized baby).

In addition to the stretchmarks this is evidenced in the fact that my belly button now tries to look down instead of straight ahead and the fact that any elastics roll off my belly until they come to rest on my pubic bone, lol.  This means that I either have to wear maternity clothes with a full belly band or make sure that my shirt is long enough to avoid a case of peek-a-boo bump.

I do regret not getting more maternity clothes earlier in the game, it’s now too late  to do anything about it short of wasting money but I wasn’t warned about maternity clothes being irremovable stain magnets and didn’t plan on so many dresses and tops being unwearable as a result of the fact that pregnancy clumsiness results in the belly catching food drips because it gets in the way of the napkin placed on my lap for that purpose.  I even tried to put the napkin on the bump itself but it would just fall off.

I tried to do the oxy spot cleaning but either those stains are permanent or I just don’t have the interest of putting enough elbow grease in the process.  It’s ok though, I don’t have that much left and I no longer  have to worry about work dress codes so I don’t have to worry about wardrobe crisis when we get close to laundry day.

I thought that being at home would allow me to nest but I guess that I still have a backlog of exhaustion to recover from as I haven’t been able to be anywhere near as productive as I’d like, my body just wants to sleep and eat but I don’t want to spend all day in bed either.  Striving to find balance…

On the activism front, I’m finding that I can’t stand women that are not honest with themselves and others.  When a woman is unwilling to breastfeed, but tells people she was unable, it inflates statistics and seeds fear in other women that breastfeeding is an unreachable ideal for most women.

Bottom line, if you choose not to breastfeed, be proud and own up to your decision, don’t be making lame excuses to get others off your case or try to get sympathy from them by lying.

A recent incident has reawakened the activist letter writer in me as according to Lisa from the “Russ and Lisa Radio Show”, breastfeeding mothers need to take their hippie granola nonsense to the bathroom.

Maybe you’ve heard about this piece of work online already, but for those who haven’t, here is a transcript thanks to “Code Name: Mama” from the broadcast about seeing a mother discreetly nursing in a Chick-Fil-A, and how Lisa felt about it. And here are a few excerpts if you’re not up for reading the whole thing.  Try not to have a stroke, it sure was a conscious effort for me.

“It’s just bad manners as far as I’m concerned to hike your blouse up and have a baby’s head underneath, even if you’re not exposing yourself.” (I think it’s bad manners to nosh on some fast food but expect an infant to be denied HEALTHY food)

“I hate it. I just don’t understand why in a public place you want to – and she was covered by the baby’s head, you know her shirt was partially – I just, to me it was sorta just in such bad taste”

Why is this not indecent exposure? And I don’t mean that she had her breast out and that you could really see it”

(Even nursing covered isn’t enough for Lisa.  I guess we should all just hole up in our homes until our children are off the boob.)

There was more, including Lisa’s opinion that even covering up the baby with a blanket it not “discreet” enough – she wants it to be completely out of her sight. She went on and on, but I’m sure you get the idea

The actual broadcasts of this show used to be online, but the station has taken them down. I heard much of it myself, and she truly is as awful as the quotes make her sound, and then some. I am all in favor of freedom of expression but still find it incredibly saddening that people like her have the public’s ear.

I sincerely hope that no women were listening to her and were impacted in a way that would harm their current or future breastfeeding. Imagine a new mom staying shut in her home for fear of bitches like Lisa, or maybe even never nursing at all!

What disappoints me most is that these comments come from a woman, I guess I’m used to men being insensitive and ignorant pigs when it comes to this and to them I can just say “I grow people and food, what’s YOUR superpower?!”

I think that’s why I enjoy going to La Leche League meetings so much, it is the only place that I can go to and not have to be on the defensive about subjects that I am passionate about and instead get to meet and share with mothers that have similar parenting styles to mine.

I feel that just like any parent considering circumsicion should watch from beginning to end at least 1 video of the procedure being done without looking away, closing eyes or throwing up.  I feel that any woman considering feeding her baby formula should attend at least 1 La Leche League meeting.   Radical? yes, doable? unlikely but since people are so lazy that they don’t bother to make informed decisions  I would like to find a way in which they can put just as much effort being informed about things that impact their current AND future health as they do in researching what hotel to stay at at their next vacation.

Time to roll up the ranting carpet, at this rate this is going to turn into a book!

Sorry there is no new belly picture, we should fix that soon while there’s still a belly to photograph!